Ias and Naveed Dreams: Just Another Tuesday.
 

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Reply #3

Ias & Nave: Just Another Tuesday.

time moves forward but i move backwards
pretending to be what im not ..
take note: i fucking hate movies and actors
the worlds trapped up
in a pyramid scheme and inside im nested
i'd be quick to chalk up my losses
if my life wasn`t invested
i write every day
without making a dent in this notebook
a blind picaso
abstrakt vision
but with a option to look
a pictures worth a thousand words
it`s true, they never change..
but the people in them do
i`ll outwrite ..
any example
author
role model or such
dont think this is dope..
then your thinking to much
I find myself thinking to much
Ears is swollowed whole and their
heads are to big to listen to us
my fangs is sharpened by life
vampire wishing I could see myself
naked infront of that mirror I
don't even know how to be myself
See I'm not even amazed
by the evil that men do
I'd tell you why but I'm kinda
busy with more evil to tend to
It's hard to explain to them
It's not that I love the taste of blood
as much as it is the fact I
hate to have to taste my tounge
mama said there'd be days like this
there'd be days like this mama said
But she never mentioned how hard
it would be keeping the monster fed
everyday praying to this pot
in my little shop of horrors

I dont like this format at all,in my opinion.

However,the plot of the rap is somewhat kool.I'll just say change the format up a bit.

Dogg... U need to even the bars out and add some wordplay to this piece....

Also, ur vocab is very old. Input some new vocab in this writing......

i agree the bars are too short....it knocks the flow... also i would expand on ya vocab it was a lil basic.....where is the wordplay n multis n shit....work on those... topic was ok though...jus wasnt executed as good as it could have been......jus keep elevating..pZ

Now i know why all the old heads left this site.

Change the format? Because your shallow peon minds have a set rhyme scheme thats all you dig? Open your fuckin heads up. The flow wasnt tarnished a fuckin tad bit. Wordplay isnt a most have in open mics, nor is vocab.

All three of you are the basic icons, of dumbfucks.

Dont ever reply to shit I post again.