untitled america song
 

relied to

masta c
liba dee
lyrical killer

dont just bitch about the structure. we all know that real rap doesn't have structure. this isn't fuckn' poetry thank you.

try to capture the image on screen for all teens to see
our flags waving, hands to forheads in an instant
with a lady who can't sing worth a lick
singing the anthem in the distant, america's in trouble
there's no denying it, when Bush signed on the dot
the plot got hot, an uncessary war took the spotlight
with kids who still had zits rocking the fight
rockets fly in the air at night, we are winning the fight

little suzy was your average person
she wanted to become a fucking surgeon
but she became discouraged
because her C.O. told her she was worthless
now the dream is under the surface
because that comment made her extremly nervous

you think your life is bad
well just check out jimmys
he's wacked out
because he blacked out in the army
his fuckn' drill sargeant told him he was next to nothing
nect thing you know he' be confronting
with a gunning
remember full metal jacket?
we all know that's what's gonna happen

sounds like Kelly Rowlands song, 'Stole' which i thought was good.. You had a good concept..yeah, i was feeling it..could have improved it by adding multis and more complex vocab..

thanks Dee. more feedback please.

yo im sorry...but i did not like this piece 1 bit...to be honest i got bored after reading the second line...if u wanna be a hot rapper u gotta make tha reader anxious to get to tha next line u know....and i mean there was nuff lines dat didnt even rhyme...work on it...alot

i dont know what he was talkin about i liked it but hey at least he was clear and honest bout the shit he was sayin right?it was good nice job ma.love ya holla back

yeah this was ok i thought.....somethings could be touched up a bit.....flow was ok, could use a bit of work though.....like Dee said try adding some multies to this to help make it a bit better...the cocept was alright....keep at it.

Yeah man, you verse barely rhymed.... The flow was cool, butya gotta ryhme your words dogg....

the concept was cool, but you really need to work on the flow a bit... to be honest. i read a little of it before i got bored.(not trying to be a dick).

it did rhyme, just not at the end of every line. ill try harder next time. uppin fo rmore feedback.