the devil in me
 

Sunday morning at my house,
waking up with a chiped tooth and a swollen mouth
Old man is screaming, old lady pulling her hair
Have to get out of this house, drive towards nowhere
Am quiet as a mouse, I am really not a bad guy
But something makes me click , feels like am high
than it brakes loose i cant control it and just swing,
........its sympto-matic................
every saturday the same thing,
......sunday morning labeled proble-matic.....
I try to explain what makes me click,
Start hating on everyone, chuck spastic fits
old man really dont care about the little bits,
mama, she belives i am out of order
Send me to pshycologist , claiming i suffer from Post Traumatic stress Desorder
Well my thoughts a quiet clear,
why does the old man never sit with mama..
when he drinks beer....
When he talks to mama, its like she doesnt even hear
this devil inside me , feeds on this fear
Takes control of my body, than start hitting anyone near
My friend try and hold me, but really its just a rush
if there is noone around, bottles on my head, i will crush.
But they just argue, they seem to be blind
more they drift from each other , more they leave me behind.
My body is like a nervouse rack, its a countdown
set to saturday night , than its showdown
If you two found the same flight, towards the same direction
it would be the solution to this equasion.
You two are too distracted , and the Devil inside me is evolving
You have to stop this shit, becaouse i am disolving,
If he takes over, All this so far has been childs play
If you to get divorced, I wont live to see another Sunday.

Three Feedbacks

1: Wut Tha fuck by repin
2:School sux - Mezmerise
3:second chance - Baron

Some parts of your material flowed, then some bars seemed stretched to the point I had to read it twice.... U managed to squeeze out a 7/10 from me.....

:)

To make this better, U might want to use a wider range of vocab, but this piece was nice.........

This was a good piece.
You flowed pretty well for most of it and your vocab was a plus point of this.
But to improve.....sort out the structure, that dragged you down

Overall 7/10

Uppin for some feedback

Yeah this was alright i thought.....your structure could use some work though i think, some of your lines were kinda long, just watch that but it was still good.....it flowed pretty well i thought too, it stayed on through out the piece....overall a alright piece...keep at it.

Structure Needs Some Help...Flowed Alright, Your Lines Kinna Dragged But That Was Coo I Guess, Depends How You Flow It...Iight Piece...

Thanks for the feedback you all. Just gotta keep elevating. Cheers

thought it started off a bit poetic... then the flow fell a bit with the bar lenghths being all different...but the actual content was good...with some nice vocab.....and ya shceme was good for the most...dropped in places a bit basic then...but on the whole not bad....decent drop...pZ

i thought this shyt was mad sick yo... nice thoughts into it... i was feelin it... read it like 4-5 times... its was good ish... shyt was just clickin to me... i dunno... i feelin it... u stayed on point... she was coo

8.5/10

Caesar On3

if you can return the favor and peep drink liquor from a chalice

Once again thanks for the feedback.. am working on a new piece .. well c my improvment :)

Dope shit...
Good peice
Structure could use work
But it was still dope...
8.5/10
Props homie... Keep it up

oh yea...
Forgot to add.
HILARIOUS SHIT

Uppin :)