Please Please Give Me Some Tips - Thanx
 

ONE OF MY FIRST GOES AT HIP HOP:

I keep my words obserd, create slang you aint heard,
Infact I might take your word, switch two letters and make it my verb,
You must walk down your path, really thinkin your on mean streets,
With your earphones plugged in, connecting you to weak beats,
I was like forrest gump, always seemed to run,
But i studied rap closely, now im aiming for number one,
I came from Drum n Bass to dance Shit, to hip hop,
And im not gonna stop coz my friends say im tipped top,
I concentrate 24/7 so my lyrics dont flop,
And im gonna keep blastin' this shit out until my chicks tits drop,
I cant be silenced, you cant tell me to shoosh,
Im gonna keep startin wars like my name was george bush,
My uncles a drug dealer, and my dads a known theif,
Where as im known as the whiteboy that likes to start beef,
Im not one to brag, im not one to boast,
But if you try and take the piss, you'll get a bomb through the post,
If you see me on the street, best move out my way,
Coz the lump under my jumper is probably an AK,
Im eatin fake rappers like my name was pacman,
You might find me smuggling immigrants in the back of a black van,
Im ready to die, but not ready to settle,
I leave my views on a lowdown, let it heat up like a kettle,
Screw the world, im doing this on my own,
Coz from the start, you bitches left me here alone.


PLZ PLZ LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, IM ONLY JUST GETTING INTO HIP HOP N GIMME SUM TIPS.

PE@CE

pretty sharp for a first go, got me hooked.keep this up and i look forward to readin more of your rhymes

yea it was pretty decent first a first time.... keep the good shit up

stick to the sorta scheme ya started with on the first line...ya carried it on..but stretched it out,, so the flow fell a bit...oh and some lines seemed a bit basic n childish....touched on some word play..but a bit played... be more original...some more expansive vocab would imporve it......but not bad for ya first attempt....pZ...

reply to three other open mics pieces and post links to your replies in this thread, or it gets deleted.
thanks.

pretty good for a first piece, i was feeling some parts of it others not so much.. theres still room for elevation though.. but dont get yourself down..