My Love
 

THIS IS SOME BEGINNER STUFF I AINT OUT THERE LIKE IM THA SHYT JUS TRYIN TO GET STARTED,VOICE UR OPINIONS PLZ NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.


U AINT THE ONLY ONE THAT HAD THEY HEARTBROKEN

MINE IS STILL HURTIN N SOAKIN

ITS START 2 HEAL

CUS THE LOVE THAT I FEEL

THATS Y ASK U 2 B REAL

I CANT TAKE NO MO KILLS 2 MY HEART

THE ONES B4 U JUS RIPPED IT APART

SO TELL ME NOW

DO REALLY LOVE ME?

WHEN IM SICK WILL U STAY FOR A WHILE?

Y WITH ME DO U WANT UR FIRST CHILD?

WILL U LISTEN WHEN I C U GET WILD?

WIL U B CALM N B MILD?

OR WILL KEEP UR WILD STYLE?

I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW

B4 I GIVE U A RING

MAKE U MY BLACK QUEEN

LET ME KNOW

IF U THE PIMP N IM THE HO

SO I CAN MAKE IT TO THA FRONT DOOR

DONT WANNA B N PAIN NO MO

I WILL TALK 2 NO GYRLS 4 U

DONT MAKE ME REGRET LOVIN U

CUS IM DEEP IN LOVE WITH U

WHEN IT COMES TO US NO LIES

I KEEPS IT TRU

ALL I DO IS DREAM

BUT SOMETIMES THEIRS THESE NITEMARES

THAT KEEP ME SO SCARED

LIKE ONE WHEN I WAS WAKIN UP AND U WAS NOT THERE

BABY PLZ DONT LEAVE, DONT CHEAT

I JUS WANNA KEEP U WARM N B UR TEDDY BEAR

WHEN WE TALK BOUT MARRIGE I GET SO GEEKED

CUS IT SEEMS U MY WIFE TO B

U WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF UR LIFE WITH ME

(TEARS FALL SLOWLY*)

WITHOUT U THEIRS NO LIGHT TO C

JNJ SEEMS SO DAMN RIGHT TO ME

BY J_MINDZ

o god, i didnt even bother to read it all simply because of the way it was written. please, edit ure post, not all caps, not so much internet ebonics, and better spelling. once u do that ill be more than happy to give sum good critizism.

Have to agree with the above reply..
Sorry to say I didnt get very far into it either.
You are missing entire words and shortening others. Not to mention the incorrections. All this means the reader has to interpret every line they read.. which means there is no flow as the reader is continuously stopping to 'make sense' of what they are reading..
I understand you are new to writing, so take the advice offered because I do think you can open your emotions.. you just have to do it so people can read it. Use this peice as a first draft, and work on it... fix the grammatical errors, use proper words... I swear there is nothing worse than seeing net ebonics in poetry.
My english Prof. would have a heart attack reading this.

And for petes sake, hit the capslock key.