Heaven & Hell Colliding
 

Heaven & hell colliding

As pure as silk, almost close to perfection, ..yet you're
able to let me enter ur heart w/ a doubt of rejection..
& why wouldnt u, im made for fuck ups & failure..
yet in u i saw an angel, my one & only truthfull saviour..
I'm ur oposite..far from perfect, i hoped it wouldn but it did affect...
our long term relation, far beyond my imagination..but what u expect?..
This was too new for me, and now were thru, know not what to do..
lonelyness is fallin down over me, im calling but theres no answer from u ..
Is this the end as u see it thru ur beautiful eyes, or are u just settin up this disguise
for me as in a test..a surmise, would u play me like that ? that would be a suprise..

Are we as strong as i think..as i feel .. as we felt....?

Still.. after all i did, i hope u can forgive me..i know..

I was wrong, stil i was real, give me back what u'ved taken
if this is fake, & what i feel isnt more than mistaken..
tell me what its all worth than, if it was all a big scene..
just tell me !! or wake me ! cause now i'm dying in this dream..
U said u couldnt stand my suffering..& u would understand..
but u didnt & left me behind on my last stand..
But still we keep falling back, to this reality we lack..
our reality, u & me..without trouble, lets just go back!
to a reality we both want, tho it doesnt fit in both our ways of life..
still the desire to conquer that obstacle remains strong like an instinct to survive..

We can be together, ..its no sin, cause ' us ' is real..dont run..give in..

Because choices being given , so lets start with living, & decide..
if u want to hide & give in to doubtful relations, or our cocoon of trust..
cause soon we must, find our way back..or are we lost?.
still, dont u.. want to return to our warm..reliable,relation w/love & occasional lust..
& then feelings were captured, yet frustrations boxed up so high..
it reaches the ceiling yet enraptured..
by the pain u could read in my eyes..
a small spark in ur heart & a little love was recaptured.....

Thank u for this change..i wont let u down , ..

U have my word never but i mean never again!.. thats my word, on my own soul..
i will look at our relation as a step up to reach my own goal..&
I will never let ur .. bright colours with my dark feelings when they're combining.
ending up 'again' as a result,: when heaven and hell, colliding..

Replyed to..
Evolve
Fgee
Potent

Pieces like could be interpretted as played..
But i guess its just how you bring it.
The way of writing you applied here makes,
You wonder..an an anxious to read on..
I reaches certain emotions within..like listening,
To your own story.
The fancy stuff was kept to a minimun, which..
In my opinion contributed to the overall emotional
appeal of the piece..great array of words,
Strings of visuals that come toghether as one,
& make the essence clear to see. Well written.
Also the short intermissions complimented the piece,
well..unlike alot of ppl who force them.
I guess you could say this was pure hearted,
Solid emotions written down without to much thought..
Which give this piece a pure an honest feel.
Never did i had the feeling it was a bunch of bullshit,
or overrated to intrigue the readers.
The last part of the piece, especially the last bar,
For me created the perfect ending..of a almost perfect piece.
This was a very enjoyable piece..
And i obviously give u respect for the clearly shown writing skills.

That was beautiful man...sad though.
I'm assuming this was written with her in mind.
You should really let her read this, or sing in for her. Get the guitar, do a little soft background music and sing away. I'm telling you, do it! Go Go Go! If your still reading this Edi I am so going to beat you, go, grab the guitar, go sing. It's sure to win her back. Do iiiiiiit!

^whipes tear.. = (

Thnx man = )

Ok..And up u go

Nice drop Edicius....had to get a sample of your product you know?
I liked it a lot and I felt your emotion pour through....decent.

Re: Heaven & Hell Colliding
 

Truthfully, you could use a lot of help in a few particular areas. First & foremost: word choice. The methodology I would recommend to you in your pursuit of improvement would be reading. Read the newspaper every morning before you go to school or work. Read everything, whether you are intrigued by a given article's subject or not. Patterns & groupings of words and phrases will come as second nature, and the improvement will show in your writing. It's no joke, reading and writing run hand-in-hand.

The vocabulary was blandly adequate. Could've been better, could've been worse. Nothing to point out in that field. The flow could have been better, but it was nothing to frown upon in the overall scheme of things - just try to even out your syllable counts per line; I shoot for sixteen syllables per line. I'm not a fan of the subject at hand or the trajectory that it took, but, it could've been a lot worse. If this is what you feel has the most profound impact on your life, I suppose it was worth it to write about it. Maybe I will some day, too :rolleyes:

Continue writing, continue reading & continue improving. Peace

Quality

Hocus pocus..

Iiiiiite , what do u mean ? lol

Paper is dutch :O ..wont help me :p

Thnx Ghod for scaring everyone now they dont reply ne more :p

Up^

Was good... could have been worded better in areas...

Not bad however...

Decent imagery, etc

yo
 

dis was touching man, i felt this shit. although call me dumb (well i can b sumetimes) but is this poem or skit? but anyway i thort dis was top quality shyte mayne, an easy 8.5 outta 10

Exactly How I Felt... Sorry, I Am A Little Lazy Today.. Not Bad
Though

i agree word choice could have made this a better read
however the emotion i felt coming from this made it a good read
anyway it was well thought out i guess.....
imagery was precise im my eyes and it was cool

all in all this piece was a good read

peace