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-   -   Death Of Man??? (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=104815)

-Zone Out- 01-07-04 07:22 PM

Death Of Man???
 
~Death Of A Man~
The preperation of the cycle has finally been completed/
All the pain and suffering we knew has been ceased kid/
Once striving and surviving off the only thing you know and love/
To be stripped away from the life you knew to be takin' above/
Into a brand new world..you start to learn marvolous things/
Harvest this dream and forever keep this incredible scene/
All the competing in this contest of life has paid off for the best/
Now you've been selected to leave and really breathe before the rest/
Your chest expands..your soul explodes in a furious dance/
Listening all this time just to speak with confidence for a chance/
Your voice roars you craves for attention and soon you shall recieve/
Watchers and spectators wipe and blink their eyes in disbelief/
You're picked up by mysterious hands and suddenly you feel relaxed/
You loved the place you came from but now you never want to go back/
You're filled with strength you get from lifting your spiritual girth/
Only 1 question remains and I referring to death or birth??/

palmetto 01-07-04 07:29 PM

liked the hole positive flow good vocab and ryme. just wish there was more.

-Zone Out- 01-07-04 07:32 PM

if I get enough good replies..I'll make a continuation to this..thanks for your reply..uppin for more..

-Zone Out- 01-08-04 01:58 PM

uppin for more replies!!!!!!...

FanTa ZeE 01-08-04 02:09 PM

'chest explodes in a furious dance'

one of the many quoteables in this piece, had a good concept, not too played, stayed on it..good vocab and structure, easy on the eye...dope.. if you add on it, it'll have more content though..and will be better...

BlUnT-MC 01-08-04 02:19 PM

this pisses me off, i typed a long ass reply then when i pressed submit shit said there was a error an' i lost what i typed...but the gist was, topic=played, but came out well... flow= 0 or it's too complex to actually work.. vocab isn't spectacular so i can't see why u said it about mine... overall nice drop, i hate reading, but since u took the time i did... sum nice multi's ie: " learn marvolous things/
Harvest this dream and forever keep this incredible scene/"...

stay up... 1

-Zone Out- 01-08-04 02:24 PM

aight..good remarks so for..uppin for some more..

uppin some more

-Zone Out- 01-08-04 05:27 PM

upping to the sky:)..no what..that was gay:(..can I get some replies?

-Zone Out- 01-09-04 02:22 PM

uppin for more replies on this joint.. ........................ ...........
uppin for more replies on this joint.. ..................... .................

White Owl Bundy 01-10-04 12:17 PM

Hey...This is not bad...Not bad at all..I tried to spit it in my own flow just to realize this has to be some sort of poetry...First thing I read wakin up this morning so excuse my dumbness...On some real what you was talkin about was very realistic...You should try writing whole songs that tell stories...I'll happily supply you with a beat...This is my type of subject here...

Tsar Casm 01-10-04 03:26 PM

nice piece...
came well togther with the flow...
ok vocab...
topic was a little...blah...but you came around nicely with it...
just wished it was longer...

please don't be grimeney!!!!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=105602

-Zone Out- 01-10-04 10:56 PM

uppin

lyrical_killer 01-10-04 10:59 PM

yo dawg that was pretty good liked tha flow and structure and shit ........... keep at it !!!!

-Zone Out- 01-13-04 06:24 PM

uppin

Dimez 01-20-04 04:40 PM

that was garbage


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