yo if im in the wrong spot chill just listen to what i spit tell me if its ill
 

so yo lets see if i can get into dis if a crew wanna holla hit me up at Kracker01313@aol.com...so here goes

I stepped through the door pants sagging down to the floor chrome 44 chillin on the belt talk shit fo sure the hollow will be felt leave more than a welt i gotta shot in the 64 sittin wit candy flakes candy dates ice gleaming candy skates flip pies bake dem cakes banking cash grab da rakes best friends or enemy's watch dem snakes uzi's give you shakes vest's poppin body's droppin weed im coppin shit im talkin stone face like christorpher walken drop cats and leave em in coffins pine box wit 90 shots from my semi auto lead hollow tips ..leather grips..laser equipped ..clips heavy .aim steady bring tons of guns we ready chop bodys wit machettes leave em shredded like fetti dance around leave you like a bitch in a red laced teddy fredricks of hollwood so holly hood hardcore holly wouldn't give head but molly would and could for the right dollar if you feeling thses rhymes then holla but either way dont fuck wit a bitch thats spits just make sure she swalla's....one

This was ok.....but your structure needs fixed up though....dont put it in paragraph form like that, put it line on top of line so its structured well and so it helps your flow out as well.....also add some multies to this to make it better....but keep at it.

If you fix up the structure it would be tight cause when its like that ppl think its too long and they won't read it.

Holla At EM

think its too long ..lol.... the scheme was ok.... but some decent multis would help it... also a clear topic.. sumthin original.. to get readers interested.... but it was ok.. the flow was decent...few spots it fell... but ...jus keep on it....pZ

fucked up structure..other than that this was acutally decent!

yo thanks for this that and the thrid im not big on multis or sturcture i just spit words if someone wanna show how i should set my flow up o n here then send me an e-mail