A Deep Flow
 

livin becomes a prison how we dwellin in hell//
we were tought to follow da system but we tend to rebell//
live ya own life open ya eyes to the truth//
be yaself don't waste ya health people savor ya youth//
wether booth or in a book how ever u decide to ride//
theres only one life to live don't let dat life pass u by//
cuz wen u die u gotta look back at da past//
look god in da eyes, will he allow u to pass//
and so i ask by the end will u last//
or will u fall cuz u failed to rebell and create ya own path//
it aint math, i don't really tend to mass//
but i know at da end of the track imma look back and laugh//
have fun with ya childhood be a man wen u can//
u got a whole life to prove u a man, make a stand//
im like an early egg that cracked out of god's hands//
cuz i aint need a teacher to trully understand god's plan//
guess i was dealt this hell of a hand so wuts truly left//
lifes parrallel so i carried a little bit of heaven in my left//
now dats two sides see heaven and hell divide//
now dats two choices two voices gonna talk to u inside//
now u decide is it life or death so much stress, the choice is so complex//
i can't stress the path to follow but i'll let u borrow//
u can end it 2day or live to see a 2morrow//
is life worth livin with all this sorrow//
you'll never know till ride it out and see ya tommorow//
if life was a book then it's covered in dust//
pages are torn scripts are ripped, only turn da page if u must//
all u see is darkness surrounded by light//
till u reach then end of the book and discover ya life...

tell da kid wuz good...1

..okay drop..wayyy..better than your last one..needs a title..vocab could be better..you rhymed words that was obvious..meaning..we all know that pass and past rhymes..and so forth..some lines was good..some lines was just gibber jabber..blah blah..lines needs to be even..you cant have one short line..then the next line be about 10 more words than the last one..so you have to work on structre..and needs a topic..really..I didnt know what the hell you was talkin about..first you went from followin systmes and rebeling to life is a book covered in dust..might I also add that was your best line..all I can say is keep elevation..try to expand yo vocab and rap about a specific subject..


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...978#post1074978


also..peep my open mic..Death of Man..

1 open mic a day...follow the rules.