Mental Illness (feedback please)
 

My head is spinnin in directions Ive never been,
Perfected winnin wit corrections I'm severing,
Heads like peeled fruits with concealed roots,
It isnt what makes people wanna steal boots,
Its the ability and will ta rap witta constant flow,
Ill "smoke" this HERB and then watch em go,
Makin a profit is hard when you disregard all rules,
Say I dont 'Measure up' then I beat the "tall" fools,
All the destiny's-I-provide so Invest-in-me-then-go-hide,
This bitches skill is way less-then-me, I'm-so-fryed,
Comin at you like open fire, show u what hope requires,
Your talents been squeezed out wit broken pliers,
Provokin liars like a fuckin mouse to an elephant,
Its irrelevent, Even yo momma knows u aint intelligent,
But I gotta disease that makes me go mentally ill,
Youll get better at perfectin rap, and eventually skill,
Im nice if u get to know me but friendship starts slowly,
Can make a message hit mufucka's in they hearts only,
Get killed for thinkin its fake and that this parts phonie,
I can give u a chance, and win while tryin ta lose,
Heaven or hell for you im dyin ta choose,
Always on top of things like supplyin the booze,
Its under controll, I dont even have to try n amuse,

Well shit.


Check it out let me know what ya think
thanks

I'm gonna turn this into a song this is basically just the first verse with out its perfections.

But on the line : Its irrelevent, Even yo momma knows u aint intelligent,
Its supposed to go : Its irrelevent, Even momma knows Im intelligent.

thanks
pz.

thats some nice shit yo. Iliked the three line structure cause not very many niggaz is doing it. some lines should be shortened and some lengthened but it wa pretty good.

Thats some dope lyrics. I also liked the 3 line structure. Some str8 shit you got there boy.

thanks guys

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True-Souldja, dawg give me some feed back on my freestyle, guys tell me what you think............................................. ........

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One open mic per day...follow the rules.