Avalon
 

The soles of my shoes vanished for so long i've traveled on
I finally seek my destination...Home Sweet Avalon

Daily routines of prize and much glory
An elder speakin of life n' such stories
Speaking wisdom among young youth
Virgin ears peep the words containing truth
Days pertain love and no signs of strain
A wealthy body who's lost the name of pain
Only endurin' the insurrance of home
& an often occurance of praising songs
Rags to riches, How i ever came to this
As i look back at the journey..I reminice...

The Journey
Climbing rocks and barriors while barefoot
Consuming insects I've capture & squooshed
Pushing forth my destination far ahead
With my mind figuring i'm closing in on death
Courage kept me strong, Gave myself hope
Heavenly scenes i visioned...Wished to provoke
Followed the road...The path was trecherous
Misleading intersections i succeeded using a compas
In the distance trumpets reigned thru the surroundings
Conquored demise, Now relsihing my founding...

The soles of my shoes vanished for so long i've traveled on
I finally seek my destination...Home Sweet Avalon]

nyce drop............short and to tha point...........could have been elaborated on............bars were consistent.......made for betta flow, sorry tha otha kat no showed.........he saw tha loss comin, solid...........................hey yo, peep "MY Lucy in the Sky"

stay real, peace, 1

nice dope piece....good rhyme scheme and wrodplay.....
nice structure....overall you satyed on topic and it was good.,...
liked it, keep droppin

8/10
pepp " truth is..."

nice
 

wassup, i'm new here... jsut checkin out the scene
nice post overall, i like the idea, poetic and scuh, don't hear too many epople tlakin abuot avalon and rhymin the way u do from where i come from
nice drop

thanks for all the replies
it was supposed to be my SS battle against Walter Wall..
but he no showed

and the topic was given from RB names so yeah...

more replies please

yea could have worked some more on the flow, but some good vocab, ..&concept was enjoyable..a nice read man props :)

You had a dope structure here, really blending in nicely...Accompied with strong internals and complex rhymes it really made this piece stand out. Your vocab was good, used some nice terms here, fitted in with what you were trying to say....wasn't feeling this though:

"Climbing rocks and barriors while barefoot
Consuming insects I've capture & squooshed"

although:

"Speaking wisdom among young youth
Virgin ears peep the words containing truth" - was straight from the lab on that one!

3/5 dope piece, loved the topic...think what really stood out was the fact that it was short, but made an impact...

give some feeback on: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106501 - if ya have some spare time...cheers,

Nice structure and imagery...

Decent flow but could be worked on a bit...

Overall a strong piece...

<<<thought it was going to be about Av....
lol

more please