I. Keep. You.
 

It's not the best thing I've ever written. It's mostly just raw feelings, my heart is broken and I decided to capture what I feel. I appologise for the poor way it's written, i realise its hard to read, but, I hope you enjoy it, feedback pls




Favourable winds in my hair
sounds of forever falling in despair
she never loved me, its in her words
we never were meant to be,
now its just a bitter taste

i keep falling for
a hand on mine
i keep waiting for
the end of times
she dosent understand
the way i feel
my heart is torn between
what is and isnt real

following shelter into the streams
drounding in the surface
of coloured dreams
I never noticed where this could have gone
for she didnt feel, anything at all

i keep using the thoughts in my mind
so i can pretend
that im just fine
i keep choosing the wrong roads
tell me now, where am I
supposed to go

Chasing a star that leaves me behind
floating in the air of broken heaven
i wanted so much from her
that she couldnt see
her eyes were covered from hands above me

i keep switching these feelings i keep
so i can lay my head
when i try to sleep
i keep moving these opinions that i reap
now i must close them all
like a door in the depth's of ocean deep

I dont know what anythings worth anymore
I dont know if love is real
I dont care who says they need me
All I wanted, was her
All I needed, was her
Take me away, with hearts you have broke
Memories shattered, like glass
Tell me why, why you did this
Why did you decide that I
wasnt good enough for you?

These faces, they stand beside
Each one of us, feelings cannot hide
These choices, we all divide
We all will, find
That love is, a dream
Something, that death has
Woven in our seams
We've followed the paths
of our beings
Now all that's left,
is goodbye.

A fatal kiss,
that left our lips
So far is love,
who left us this,
nothing now,
i have to keep,
you, all i had,
you i need.
I kept you,
within my grasp,
but love you had not,
now were a past,
so farewell to you,
dear future i held.
Goodbye, adieu,
my lovers said.
All things I wanted,
nothing now.
I keep you,
you keep me,
together,
just our memory.

Yo Im sry bout your girl,nice lyrics thoe and lots of good writing,i know how it feels its hard but you will eeventually find somone better,just think of it as that she is missing out on better well mai bad again but nice work i really enjoyed it

Thanks for your rply,

Yea, it feels like the end of the world. I've never loved someone so much before, women drive you crazy sometimes...

Believe me, I have felt like this many times. Guys can drive girls crazy too because they often did me. There was one in particular in which i loved more than anything in the world and he left just like she did you. So believe me, I know what you are going through. But times do get better, even thou we do dwell on the past. This showed all of your feelings and it is best to get them out. You did an amazing job on this. I loved it. Keep it up.

You shouldn't put disclaimers like that in front of peices like this it makes people expect shit... which this wasn't

Flow worked surprisingly well for a peice that was created from such pure emotion... generally speaking things that are from raw emotion lack poetically, this didn't. There were a few places I coudl have seen soem better vocab or structure changes that could have been placed better but in the long run it didn't take away from the peice. The only thing that took away from this peice was the length, people on these sites rarely read long peices, and this one was repetative in it's length. I felt sometimes liek oyu were saying the same things over and over again. But that's what you do when you're in pain, focus on a few points and they come together to cause you to purge your feelings, in this case on RB. Over all nice drop an I hope it helped you to get your feelings out. Keep your head up, peace

Thanks for the replys everyone!

a piece full of emotion and raw thoughts, but still very nicely written. your emotions were the main focus of this, but still your structure and flow were good as well. its a topic everyone can relate to in their own way, and a topic that gets written about alot, but you managed to keep yours afloat by not dragging out what is said over and over again in every broken heart poem, and gave it your a jazz. it was simple and to the point, thou it was farily long. but i dont think that a poem being long is any fault, its the poem and thats how it is, if ppl dont want to take time to read a nicely written poem just because its longer then some others on here, then its their lose. anywho i enjoyed this piece you kept it alive and heartfelt.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

Tyvm for your reply Filed!

thatsome deep shit right theree
man that was dope :laugh2:

Sup Sicknez, this was a really great piece..Really nicely written with vivid imagery and bars almost dripping with sadness..It's great that everyone who reads it can relate in their own general way to the very specific experience you wrote about..Some lines I really liked were,

"Favourable winds in my hair
sounds of forever falling in despair"

"Chasing a star that leaves me behind
floating in the air of broken heaven"

^Imagery is amazing, and the writing in parts like those I quoted are what sets this piece apart from every other "heartbreak" poem I have read..Good job distinguishing it. I also liked the title and the way it incorporated into the end very emotionally..Very nice piece all around..I felt it..Stay up and keep writing.
Pz