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-   -   *Dreamin of me?* keystyle (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=106420)

TiLLEyEDiE 01-12-04 11:33 PM

*Dreamin of me?* keystyle
 
a real Quiky but i was bored and i wanted to relaxx..
Drop some feedback good or bad juss anything

The day we met yeah it was kinda funny..
u was workin but not the one u get money..
u was twerkin lookin straight bright and sunny..
A while later we was datin' we was goin steady..
i don't know if it was me or u that wasn't ready..
all i know is now i sit back realizin i need ya now..
i miss ya eyes i miss ya smile even the way u sound..
i dream a' you do ya dream a' me, i wish ya would..
i dunno if it's, you or if it's me but, i wish it we could..
get back togetha lovin eachotha, yes we should
I wish u felt the same way bout me as i do to u..
dunno if i can go on without u or breathe without u..
im a kid that wants we he cant have is it love..
i dunno but i wanna know am i the one u dream of?..

True-Souldja 01-13-04 12:25 AM

Topic ---> 4/10 Think of more exciting topics, it will make it easier to rap.
Originality ---> 5/10 Same as topic.
Rhymes---> 5/10 Your using basic rhymes, use bigger words.
Multi's ---> none > Throw in some multi's if u can,
Metaphors ---> none > I hope u know what a metaphor is.
Flow ---> 6/10 Flow was ok, but could be worked on.
Structure ---> 6/10 Ok but again can be worked on.

an ok drop i guess, just keep practicin and askin for help with shit and youll elevate alot. just stick with it.

TiLLEyEDiE 01-13-04 12:30 AM

iight appreciated man i need to elavate..
need some more feedback

mulletstation 01-13-04 12:31 AM

I thought it was awesome. You don't need to improve much.

TiLLEyEDiE 01-18-04 09:54 PM

uppin
dun dun dun


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