kwik verse...
 

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...551#post1090551
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...556#post1090556
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...557#post1090557

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Throughout the the whole mind drought, My views were never processed
And the things I loved were taken away until the point I began to detest
I began to protest, Trying to say my thoughts and wants were valid still
And this was bout the time that my mind played tricks N Yias fell ill
sittin in the confined space, Time bagan to race as I was replaced
Came out of confindment 10 months later,somebody else in my place
Another me, Without being me?..This person is an imposter sat in my view
My family state has changed..."I thought I meant a lot to You"......
There's only one way to get back in the spotlight,Knock him out the frame
Cos in this moment of anger I feel lame disabled n Tamed once again...
So in a moment of bloodlust I go into the Utensil n Cutlary draw
Grab The butt of the blade...Walk to my victim to settle the score
Poke him in his chest with the point,goes in suprisingly easily,look at his face
Pain etched solumnly, I take away his life with my knife, The disgrace???
Nah, I'm proud of what I've done..And now the end is near, Don't shed no tear
Suicide the option..I'll do it without my fear............... :banghead:

This was alright....you had some stretched out lines, just try to shorten them down a bit, cause it took away from the flow in this i thought....You had some good vocab in this though....but overall this was alright just shorten the lines down a bit...keep at it.