This Fucked up World
 

First memories I have , I was five, my brain recalls some strange visions
living far away amongs souls.. of different colour and religions
Bowls ..of love we were given, in form of a traditional dish
any demand we had , were given to us, like a Come-tru-wish
We were all sisters and brothers, serving the same god
no metter what in our house he was called
We are all the same race, was the moto at school
I didnt understand anything than, i was a naive fool.
My best friend was over my house everyday
he would comeover, cops and robbers we would play.
They were good tims, filled with love and no worries
Killing and murdering was left for the war stories.

One day Everything turned on its head,
Mom came rushing home, my best friend was dead
We got out of the city, ran to another place
Suddenly everywhere we went , we were like a different race
Then the bombs droped, it was a scary sight
i wouldnt leave my mother, held her tight
People were now dieing , all around
At first my mother cried, latter she never let out a sound
It was a war now, againsed people of the same kind
The reason for this sudden hate i couldnt find
Over a quoter of a million dead in less than 3 years
Even this day i wake up in the morning with tears

To this day, I have doubts about this world - its all fake
I should have died - god made a mistake
I was lied - to , My brothers turned againsed me
And the post effect is here for all to see
Next time you feel safe, just take a moment and think
as i found out, evrything can turn upside down - in a blink

why'd ya post it twice????????

it was a mistake...... this computer has a tendency to double click on its own :\

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It was an average verse. Some of the worldplay was alright, but nothing really attracted my attention to the fullest. Maybe because of the storie line, not sure. You did have a pretty consistant flow. Also the structure was pretty good as well. I think it was a alright drop. Just try a more serious topic and try to be a little more emotional with it. Aight hommie... Nice piece though...

thyz waz iight... the 5trukture an wordplay waz good, not the be5t, but 5ertinly not the wor5t either. One thing that u needa work on iz your point... like the fir5t ver5e everythingz 5o good, the 5ekon one the motherz friend iz dead an bombz are dropen... like i dunno if iz ju5t me trippen on the wordz, or if it waz ju5t hard ta under5tand. Like High kla55 5ed, mabey iz ju5t the topik... my be5t advi¢e iz tri an get your point kro55 more klearly... other than that thyz waz pritty good kuz, K33P iT Kr@kIn KuZ.

(\1/) 050 5^

eh yo kan u returne the favoure???
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107276

yo dogg this was good mayne, keep the shit up! i liked the topic, yo need some shit like this-deep you get wat ima saying-i like this, but try keep lines same length, i use 2 have dat problem! :banghead:

i like these sorta drops, they keep you reading, you stayed on the topic good, and i liked the concept, the angle you came from with the first representing, when life is good, then the second when it can jus disappear in a second..... however, i thought it could have been executed better, the flow was ok, but i prefer slightly more syllables, and some of the rhyming was basic,... and some more imagery would have brought more feeling to the drop..... but it was still decent...6/10....