corrupted visions: concrete angle
 

Concrete Angel

The distractions, the abstraction of the illness in her attraction
inaction in the still eyes with no interaction of lifes transaction
dad was jus an alcoholics, and as they fight and frolic
she dreams of paradise, and wished her life was symbolic
but she had no life, she lived because they owned dull knifes
she was 13, and her loved mom wasnt her fathers wife
She died when she was 10, and step mom wasnt all there
classic tale of cinderella, but she didnt have long blode hair
since were on the subject, she didnt have many things
she clings on to what she owns, her back yard swing...
................................and her broken matress springs
the prizes her mama brings, when she comes down on her wings
a few apron strings worn by her mother, and a book she used to sing
thats all she will ever own, scence the forshadowing coming
the beats drumming, the grand finale is the body numbing
its something, how her life was ment to be nothing
god planned it to be lugging and it basicly sucking
she lived as long as she couled, as long as she wouled
as long as she was suposed to live, along in the no good
...................................then the end was new
or was it, basicly how every sad story end grew
from depression to death, how every stone holds
how every pebble folds, how every structure molds
from a little girl, carrying herself, everyday wearing the same dress
living the same fears, now shes just a concrete angel, formed from less

the death night, the dreded light, her dad passed out, her step mom has a knife
tired payin for this kid, who doesnt help out one bit, to make the move to take a life
to make things right, 1 slash of the wrist just wasnt enough, child strugglin for air
strugglin or life, thrown in the bathtub not to make a mess, her father doesnt care
pullin at her hair, step mom wondering if shes dead yet, still no breaths?
the beats from the heart go dim like a light, then gone, nothing left

remember this girl.......................

from depression to death, how every stone holds
how every pebble folds, how every structure molds
from a little girl, carrying herself, everyday wearing the same dress
living the same fears, now shes just a concrete angel, formed from less

This was a great write. I loved the imagery and reality of this. You painted a picture with this. I loved the world play and the vocab usage. Some of the flow was hard to get, so maybe make it a little easier on points. You know what I mean... But I really did enjoy this. I even read it during my computer class... LOL, thats right now. Good job hommie, I enjoy reading your writes. Keep it up...

( Please return the favor and peep the open mic drop in my sig, would be appriciated )

thanx man, still uppin

Be sure to return the favor hommie, ;)
UPPIN

lol i did man

Nice drop, Like high said, had good imagenary, The rhyming was very good too, The flow was excellent, and the vocab was very very good, I liked this alot, very nice drop very well done, keep it up,

If ya wouldn't mind could you take a look at my latest called The World Today, the link is in my sig, it's being mad slept on, i would appreciate it, thanks

peace

sure thing my man, is this legends good? lol jus kidden

Shit, im ganna nominate it to see how this turns out. Cause this was a very nice write. And all of them people hat decide on it, love imagery to death... aight hommie.. be sure to peep that tommorow to see how you turn out...

lol sweet ass, im a nominee weeeeeeeeeeeee

yo Topic Man another Nice Piece enjoyed the read.......ya kinder changed ya Style a bit and i THink It works betta.....ya Flow has Improved And has made it easier to read...i think this was a real nice Piece you have done here man Keep it Droping...PeacE...

yo, this was a hell of a drop, shit, the best one i read all day. you got a lot to expand and with this drop, you be gettn wider and wider.

..very nice piece..great imagery...great content..good flow..everything was in it's place..good job..peace..

thanx everyone

uppin for some feedback for the last time