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-   -   Two Seconds (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=107601)

shawty"B" 01-17-04 01:04 PM

Two Seconds
 
It takes...
One second to cry.
One second to die.
One second to lose a friend.
One second to take your life.
One second to lose all you had.
One second to push it all away.
Anything could take one second.
One second to lose,
One second to take,
One second to give,
In life everything takes one second to do.
But after that,
you realize it,
Theres only one thing in life,
that takes more than one second.
It takes two seconds to realize,
that everything you ever had,
ever wanted,
Is gone.

L.A.STR~E~TZ 01-17-04 03:56 PM

oh, damn, this poem was beast!!! its so good, and i aint sayin that couse u replied to a shitload of mines, im sayin that becouse many reasons. ill explain. the vocab wasnt complex at all but with this poem that didnt matter becouse it doesnt seem like an extremely deep topic and it doesnt want to be as philisophical as others. the flow was alright but i liked the fact that u didnt make it rhyme the whole way thru, mostly becouse it didnt seem forced, which i liked alot. the structure, it wanst completely even bars but u also didnt stretch them out till i lost the point. now, the message, incredibly original and true. i loved the way it climaxed at the end, great, poem, just great. fuck, i dont even have to tell u to keep it up!!1

shawty"B" 01-18-04 10:06 AM

cmon pplz i need more feed bak hea!!!!!!! thnx fo urz LA

babygangsta86 01-18-04 01:24 PM

dat poem was tight. you put it out there like it truly is. i like it. i have to give u ur props. keep on writing

krakajack 01-18-04 02:36 PM

it was ite. that begining, where it kept on saying it takes one second to do w/e, has been done a few times. it kinda dragged in the middle, but it came on strong at the end. the bigest problem with this poem i saw is that poetry is supposed to make people really think, but u kinda draw the conclusion for them. work a lil on ur poetic techniques (metaphore, oxymoron, ect.) and make it a more complex and u can have a winner here with ur message. so, in short, u need work on ur technique, but the thought is there, stay up.

Key-Low 01-18-04 04:13 PM

good shit, simplistic and too tha point, good emotion, rhyme scheme was ok, good drop...lyked tha idea, peace, 1

filed 01-18-04 07:11 PM

a simple poem that honestly doesnt take much skill, but its the message you get across with it that matters with pieces like this. and yours was a good topic, one that ppl should think about, one that will get ppl thinking once they read this. its a piece with a basic structure, vocab, flow, content, but it has emotion and a message and thats what made it a good read.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

shawty"B" 01-18-04 09:38 PM

thnx 4 tha feed bak this was one of those kinda poems i didnt want to be so complex becaus that wasnt wat i was feeling at that point..... i think i was mad at my brutha or sumn1 wen i wrote this..... i jus want tah get summore feed bak tho....thnx pplz!!!!!


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