leaving[one of my first pieces]
 

i cant let it go, its tearin' me apart/
so many times i let you breka my heart/
now if you only knew half the shyt you put me thru/
maybe you would be less hurtful with allthe things you do/
i kno its hard to see what i feel cuz i hide it up/
but maybe if you tried it would all clear up/
i get to a point where i just wanna give in/
but then i think of what ifeel for you and keep everything within/
but you gotta pick which one its gonna be/
either the one you wit or the chick who run it gracefully/
make up your mind, you wasting my time/
gotta get my ass in line and leave you behind../

that was one of my first pieces-written like last year its not that good but ive improved on it..

This was alright.....you had emotion in it....it was simple....but it still was good i thought, i usually write about these kind of things as well, so i could relate to it in a way...but just keep elevating and keep at it.

^...you stop saying this was OKAY!..this was far from okay..your shit didn't even rhyme..or was the content readable..no harsh feelings...

~Click on Free stuff!!!!

Ok - needs some structural work, flowed adequately nonetheless. Even though this technically rhymes it would sound much better if you made it a multi:
i kno its hard to see what i feel cuz i hide it up/
but maybe if you tried it would all clear up/
Keep writing.