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-   -   New to rap.. Please Peep this. (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=107644)

defcon 01-17-04 04:13 PM

New to rap.. Please Peep this.
 
One friday night, you go an cheat your girl//
You come back home, find your shit in a whirl//
you look n you twirl, as she starts to explain//
it kills your thoughts.. like a dart in the brain//
when its all over, n tha dust starts to settle//
she thorws your ass out, n calls you a rebel//
you try to stand up, but your pain holds you down//
you wanna cry n scream, but there's people around//
I suddenly become your best friend.. an your counceler//
But i screw you over, and tell you what to anounce to her//
so you run back home, get tha girl n pounce on her//
say your mad n gonna kill her, to which she gonna answer//
she calls you a bitch, so the script gets fliped
like a circus clown dancer, you prance upon clips//
go on a shootin' spree, come looking for me//
Asking for help on what to say you see//
I Lie... steal you girlfrind n blast her//
You find out the next day, call me a bastard//
Upset or sad? Pop sum orange colour tic-taks//
Depressed? Slam some syringes n other nick naks//
But till you do that, you need balls n your dick back//
fukin pussy. bitch.//


- Notes.. this was semi based on a true story.. as i said earlier.. new to rap n stuff.. always a lurker on these boards.. sum dope people here.. anyway.. waitin for feed back.

EDIT: Fixed a bad spelling mistake :P

LA4Lyfe 01-17-04 04:34 PM

dis was an alright peice, it had some lines
dat i liked, u got potensial, stay up try using
analogiez instead of da same wordz all da time
2 livin up da read
peace

lil_pimp 01-17-04 04:39 PM

nice ryhmin man u got skill

defcon 01-17-04 04:51 PM

Thanx guys.. after reading it a second time.. i understand what you say la4lyfe.. i'll change sum common words on my next peice :)

Uppin ^^

Menik 01-17-04 09:13 PM

1 Open Mic Per Day...Follow The Rules.


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