straight freestylin
 

its lil p-i-m-p/ im new in this game/ bout to be claimin my fame/ spreadin my name/always sparkin a flame/ lightin my blunts/ eatin some cunts/ neva puttin up fronts/ my street is milatary/ of course im a soldier/ gotta ak on a strap hangin from my shoulder/ like tupac im natural born leader neva leavin home if im not a packin a 9 milla meta heata

:shoot:

that was the worst freestyle i've ever heard, i know kids in grade 5 who can spit better than thaT

Yeah this wasnt that good.....dont structure it like that, put it line on top of line because some people think in paragraph form it makes it harder to read and it does throw off the flow in the piece, so work on that....also work on using some multies...but keep at it.

Credz pretty much summed it up, also up ya vocab and wordplacement. in one word
ELEVATE

Open Battle
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107807