AiYooo, Check It..Feedback Please
 

were Struggling,trying to cope,hold ya head up,n keep some hope
stressin,so we smoke the dope,inhale,exhale,Dont Choke
folk/talk alot false shit,strugglin,its helps to fucking spit
quick,6 mother fuckers all runnin for me,waste no time,i need to pick
my escape pitch,i hop a fence,there watin outside,aint this a bitch
i dont twicth/ i plan my way out,i see the fuckers,but still they stayed out,
i sped to tha crib,thats how it played out/
i cant keep my mouth shut,AiYoo,amy,me n and your mum,i busted a fucking nut
you shook?/ thought id never go there? (hahah) bitch,ur in halsall's fucking lair
your mouth left open in despair,watch me flare,check the watch i wear
(hahahah) Im insane i know i scare,80's fucking hairstyle,bitch,i care?/
im hangin with street thugz,thats right street t-h-u-g-z
seen enimies fled,shit they even bled
my vocab is sick,ill rhyme any shit,from a-z,tales from my head/
perosnality split,it changes every hour,like a channel,just like ''flick''
yall cant rhyme,catch up Qucik,my lyrics deep n thick
bostirous,voice to cuzz,hype the fuzz,waste of space?...bitch hush/

This was alright here.....structure could use some work though i think, try to shorten some of your lines down a bit they are stretched out and it takes away from the flow in this piece...try adding some better multies to this though.....you had some alright vocab in there....keep at it.