Decent peice from this newbie.. Peep it!
 

When i spit.. your left seeing metaphorical visions//
and if you were in a car you be having a horrid collision//
our war is my mission and there's no more intermission//
if this rhyme can't kill.. any knife, gun or gat will//
in my lines I spill my heart n soul, your starting cold//
you brain "leaks out" like half eminems album, its pre-sold//
Hold you down on the low cold ground n when no one's around//
Slice ya head off, steal ya wallet.. then jet off//
Now im only 20 bucks up cuz you was broke as fuck//
N by the stroke of luck i choke the clutch//
n my car dies out.. what the hell, what do i do?//
In the distance is my friend, i run to him swiftly//
and quickly explain the situation at hand//
i put all my faith in this man, so ask what to do//
"theres red blue lights faslhing behind you dude!"// <-- him, my friend
I gotta jump, run, take tha fuck off//
I can't be found in this hood, i'll be grounded for good//
If im found then you should not stay around in this hood//
So while they chase me n slowly catch up//
i see you run the other direction n snatch up//
the guys bodie that i scraped up//
steal tha evidence and hide from the residence//
Trip to the ground, knees trembel in their pressence//
the cops finally caught me, the got me surrounded//
lucky you stole the body so they never found it//
I got cuffed, striped, locked up n pounded//
I just pray you made it away//
from the shit i caused that day//


This is the 2nd peice i ever wrote.. hope ya like it!

2nd drop..was tight...could do with a better structure, make the lines basically the same length, but it didn't really have much effect here because the syllables flowed..keep droppin..

that ryme was good but again it cud of used sum structure