it can seem to me
 

it can seem to me
that I always pass it up
please do not go now
If you do, I won't forget
please don't leave me all alone

it can seem to me
that forgotten I lie here
do not forget me
I always tried to be yours
but that is not enough now

it can seem to me
that I no longer care now
superficial me
has no time for friends anymore
leave me all alone here, please

I saw all the haiku...and I saw tourniquet describe the other ones and I wanted to try =)

It's nice enough. Has a sharpness to it which probably comes with the rigid syllable structure (well, at times rigid anyway)...

...the desperation was there to be grasped by the reader. Though frozen (cold), it was there. Or at least, for me anyway. Maybe it's the way i read certain pieces (erm, like this one..)...

...either way, i liked it. It did what it set out to do, in my opinion. And did it fairly well.

...resp...

sorry to say it maven but i really didnt like that it was a nice concept and everything but i know u can do better ive seen other stuff uve done. this let u down a bit

hit up my battle
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195

Hey,

Just wanted to say I liked it. It was good in its own way, but as I read in another reply, I think you could make it better. Just maybe change somethings. But It was good. PeAce out

hey, theres only so much you can do with haiku =)

True true..Keep it up

peAce

Very nice Maven. It is sometimes hard to portray depth with such strict guidlines as V has stated, but there is obvious growth here, and the journey taken is evident. Traditional Haikus and its what I term 'offspring' are written symbolically, giving just enough for the reader to interpret the meaning or story behind the words.
You have done well :)