short story/other shit
 

aight lets start wit the short story

As he slowly walked In with the blood dripping from his hands ruining his Timbs/
Crying outloud trying to confess to committing the worse Sin Again/
While crying, he looked to the left and noticed the curtain blow in the absence of Wind/
Thinking nothing of it he kept praying but noticed the devil on his shoulder by the increasing amount of heat on his Skin/
Look at you crying to somebody that won't even here you talk/ Hate and passion is what he puts in you then disowns you for not denying whats in your heart
He looked up and noticed the lord nowhere in Sight/
He isn't here son if he cared about you at all you wouldn't of had such a horrible night/
Come with me son why follow a man that for your soul he obviosly is to busy to fight?/
So as they went outside Satan said 2 join you have to at this instant shoot that man/
He pulled the gun and aimed where he planned for the bullet to land/
squeezed the trigger but it jammed,the middle aged guy grabbed his kids and ran/
Suddenly the night stopped and everything around him turned blood Red/
Satan changed faces, "It was me the entire time, it was a test,you failed now your soul is dead/
He said.The end

now for some other shit i feel like dropping

When i Rhyme i do it with the window open looking Outside hoping i put enough power in my Lines to Describe beauty to a man thats Blind let my words be his eyes/To the point he arches his eyebrows showing Surprise then burries his face in his hands and Cries/And in between Sighs he repeats the words "at least i can say i saw Beauty before i Die"

Holla back at ya kin folk

..Very nice..I enjoyed reading this...this shit was Dope..(you are almost Good as me..Far behind..but as almost..LOL~~)..Dope~~Peace..

Try to keep your bars a resonable length, on the one line sorta thing...the flow was decent, could do with some work but overall was pretty well executed. You got potential as a good story teller, emotion n' imagry came through here:

So as they went outside Satan said 2 join you have to at this instant shoot that man/
He pulled the gun and aimed where he planned for the bullet to land/"

Liked the satan/psyhic switch thing you had goin' on....3/5 had some nice lines and as i said you got potential - just work on your structure..keep spittin' though.

appreciate it.

i agree this was a pretty decent drop... i lliked the concpet and the execution... ya worded it in a way easy to read... thought the scheme could be improved in places, with a bit more complexity... but ya got some nice imagery in it...so.. yeah all in all.... not bad, decent.... return the favour....

This piece was dope Keep posting shit like that
peace.

appreciate it.the story was longer but i lost tha shit

uppin this here shit

Dope man! Good ish...loving the switch at the end of the story...but as someone^^ mentioned you gotta fix up your bars in some places, it fucked your flow...very good piece...Keep droppin and peep mine please...Much Thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108340

oh and the end god came just for some people that didn't understand.

i don't wanna say uppin, so i'll say undowning

uppin this thang til i post my new shit which may b 2day may b 2morrow