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[pre]MeNTiLL vs B.I.Detained
Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004 Topic: Lay The Blame |
Im here ... Good luck ... peace
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Hello
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Lay the Blame Openly Grimace at the Horrors that Lie In these Walls If Silence represents Loneliness..It'd say Nothing at All a Childs Call..In an Orphanage that Crowds beyond Belief cannot be Repaired by Thee..so he Sits & Grinds his Teeth The Parents just the Youngest little Boy..Abandoned & Forgotten after Birth left to Fend for hiself..Maybe get a little something from this Earth thats if I Deserve..to Live..Abortion is a Misery you had to Give but these "Parents" were too damn Coward to even give a Shit so they Split..run outta the Hospital..Proabably started a New Life away from their son..or should i say better as known as More Strife but in Time..the Hands that be will Decide if there's Forgiveness see in my Mind..they've already Forgotten bout there old Business Defenceless..I look Tough on the Outside but I'm Soft to the Core when I think of My Problems..it Doesn't just Rain..It Pours Mental Sours that Scour my Life & could never be the Same see somehow in my Mind..I have to Pick someone & Lay the Blame Myself My Thoughts tell me its the Parents Wrong but my Heart tells the Truth Sheer Proof..coz I hate everythin about myself from Finger to Tooth i Reach out to You..but Emotions are a Feeling I struggle to Broadcast but if its Hate, Anguishment & Regret you Want..I hold those feelings Vast a Coal Miners Past..its always Gonna Catch up w/ me & Decide my Death coz the feeling of Not being Loved..stayed w/ me in my First & last Breath I do nuttin but Detest..its like never seeing the Sun..forever in Darkness if I ever tried to enter the Light..I'd end up w/ Views of a Marxist try to Embark in This..throw my Past outta he window..Open a new Dawn but I find myself at the Start..Of a Death I have yet to Mourn it Sounds Stupid to the Reader..but i Still Hear it Again, Again & Again so just to Finally stop the Voices..On Myself I totally Lay the Blame So in God I trust to take Care of an Adult w/ Child at Heart to not look at the Bad things I've done but to Split my Bad Apart & to Chart..all the things that went Wrong..take me in your Arms coz if my Lifeline could tell a Story..I'd have a Novel in My Palms |
We made love, Passionately, eloquently, But irrelevantly
It wasn't good enuff for U, Cuz it wasn't heaven sent - Evidently U thought I was sub par while U were atop of the world I sent U boxes of pearls, And portrayed Adam ... When God was plottin' U girl I sacrificed many tears for many years over many beers Offered my shoulder if U had any cares Or needed to overcome any fears Here's a few pennys ... Cheers to us for wat we had Lost, Buried, Forgot - Here's a thought "But we had" While others didn't have this valuable feeling inside - Of their hearts, minds, souls ... No need for tears to be cried Me and U tried ... And tried ... And tried ... And tried again Over time our luv died, Was reborn, Then died again I was torn into more than one piece Was all yours in more than one lease Happy when we soared, But got bored And wat was yours became deceased Released from a bond that held endearly to two hearts That became entangled in dark And took an angel to tear apart, Harsh .. Feelings evovled to reality, While reality evolved into dreams Things I couldn't receive, Like those night's U used to sing .. And bring me joy and peace of mind, I had to believe I'd find A piece of yours but lost faith, And eventually ceased the trying Inside Im dying, Starving to death cuz I no longer have those riches We made luv ... But it was flawed And Im laying the blame on you if we can't fix it ... ... |
Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in |
B.I- Nice read and nice story to it..was lacking a lil in vocab but this was a dope peice..read it twice..broke it down creativily..all in all a dope peice
Metill- Nice read also...better vocab than b.i..went for a diffrent approach which is good since most people who go 2nd just bite the same approach to a peice..nice but imma have to vote for b.i..just more to his verse..more creative and deeper v = b.i |
B.i= Dope drop....The flow was good, content was there....I had to force my self to read it though, you got deep... really deep. However, your font was gay...............gay!...it was way to hard to read.....
Mentill: I liked your approach better on this, content was good, vocab was there, and you kept me reading...thats what counts....your structure was also better since your letter were bigger...lol. Vote: Mentill Good drops by both, but overall Mentill's peice was jusr more intesting to me. Still love you Brix........ :hump: |
B.I- it was a nicely written story,flow and content were both good, and was strong and like said deep, i thought vocab could have been brought up some too.
mentill- content and vocab were good, but what i liked about your piece was how you approached this topic, and kept it interesting. vote=mentill ~Tera~ DONT HATE |
bi.. it was a good story i liked it, but you got really deep.. thats why i only liked it.. and not more.. your vocab was a lil blah.. but thats alright.. it worked..
mentill..really good piece i could follow it very well.. your structure was about as good as your battling skills ;) but thats alright.. it still flowed really well.. v/mentill - you had a better piece.. that i found more enjoyment in reading |
I think B.I.'s verse had consistency, a good rhyme scheme, a good story, a good piece with no signs of brilliance. MeNTiLL struggled at the beginning, then in the middle painted a beautiful picture of imagery, a perfect rhyme scheme, and in the end, kind of fell off again. If you had consistantly shown that kind of brilliance, we could be talking legends. But you didn't, so we aren't. Instead, we're talking my vote, which you do get. Congratulations
Vote:Mentill |
I felt B.I's piece was okay, nothign special. Neither was MentILL's but i felt towards the middle he picked up in emotin and imagery - basically that took it for him.
votementill |
Mentill wins
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