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-   -   A message from the insane... (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=109225)

Born To Kill 01-23-04 04:28 PM

A message from the insane...
 
My autograph's always in blood, for all the world to see...
And my inkwell tells a story, so consider it plasma tv.
I don't dip my quill very often, because I rarely guarantee...
But coagulation doesn't occur, because I stir obsessively.
I'm compelled to dwell on how it filled, homicidally...
Memories shift from many rifts and multiple pedigrees.
DNA varies cuz thrusts weren't parried, I struck repeatedly...
And one was a friend till the end, when he became an enemy.
Another was a wife who was my life, until I proved infidelity...
In childbirth she lost all worth, cuz the baby looked nothing like me.
Immediately after, I silenced the laughter and ended infancy...
I had to address the child was possessed, cuz it laughed hysterically.
Easily you might say, I'm mad with hate and hurt and cruelty...
But you haven't felt the horrors, of being betrayed by three.
Even the baby mocked me, knowing it wasn't mine, see...
And my wife and friend were conspiring to kill me, accidentally.
I know this because they've never lied, they guide me faithfully...
The little voices inside my head, show me the true reality.
They see more than anyone can, and it's a gift that they love me...
So I sent three sinners away to Heaven, and to the Lord above me.


Verses peeped:
Tommy the 45 - I Really Mean It
Penskills - Father & Son
Trippin59, My Baby Is Born

FormulaMC 01-23-04 04:37 PM

Nice Concept BTK. . Felt The Piece As A Whole. . Flow Was On-Point Throughout. . Vocab Was Nice. . Multi's Were There And Ill. . Some Real Nice Lines Strawn Here And There. . Ending Was Dope. . Killing The Three That Were Against You Before They Got To You. . Good Read Cuz. . Pz.

Even the baby mocked me, knowing it wasn't mine, see...
And my wife and friend were conspiring to kill me, accidentally.
^ ^ Baby Line Was Deep. . Many Dad's Have Babies That Ain't Theres. . 2nd Line Was Dope. . You Put Emphasis On Accidentally When We Know Most Deaths That Are Conspired By Three People Aren't Going To Be An Accident.

Peep "I Jus Wanna Talk" When I Get It Up. . Thanks.

code-187 01-23-04 04:44 PM

very good piece alround,
good structure, really good flow and really good use of vocab

vote on my battle
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195

Penskills 01-23-04 05:14 PM

.my favorite open mic'er..this was aw aways a pleasure to read..although I've read better from you..anyway..the content was excellent(as aways)..your imagery was dope...I like the line "In child birth.."..that was excellent(was it from past experience??)..once again..always pleasure reading your stuff..

Born To Kill 01-26-04 09:29 AM

Damn...

This ain't no pillow!

Quit sleepin on this!

Feedback's appreciated.

Peace

Dev 01-26-04 10:35 AM

i liked the perspective you came from, but thought the way you finished some of the lines seemed a bit repetative, like the tone of it.... but other than that some good imagery making quite an expressive piece....

RythmicTendicies 01-26-04 11:42 AM

You had some outragous slow here, it blended in with your vocab here, you never used 3 letter words to rhyme, syllables, flow was dope 'cos of this, bars were the same length as well, some nice structure.

Your had some good wordplay in here:
"But coagulation doesn't occur, because I stir obsessively." - dunno if anyone noticed that one...thought it was well dope....nice complexity.

Liked the concept of conspiracy and it was played out well, got in nice and deep, didn;t just dance around the edge you took us right into it, ya know.....4/5 some dope shit..should be nominated for the Jan award thingy.

Straight Ace 01-26-04 11:48 AM

Good vision here..
Expression..its all in there.
I've seen u do better, knowin this was probably a quick write.
But it was a enjoyable read.
Some potential quotables..& good vocab, although thats default with u.
..Drop summish on my Diss w/e with Dazasta..
Its all for fun.

ELEETE 01-26-04 02:27 PM

DOPE..............Very deep........
Even the baby mocked me, knowing it wasn't mine, see...
And my wife and friend were conspiring to kill me, accidentally.- Damn dawg! Fucked up but Ill......a pleasure to read........Your verse kept me hooked to the screen.....yo dawg keep it up.......Thanks for the feedback on my shit.........RESPECT TO YOU.........Peace


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