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-   -   The Girl....The Story (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=109321)

Vokal Rights 01-24-04 12:16 AM

The Girl....The Story
 
some story tellin' shit....

the girl was on the way home, all alone, just got a new ringtone on her mobile phone//
she wasnt a girl that was overrun by hormones, she'd never grown to love any the past guys she known//
but she was all alone//
meanwhile, three guys were joking, goding themselves, coaxing themselves untill they were hoping themselves//
and boasting to themselves, and voting themselves, to all gather round and hold down anyone just someonelse//
so while these guys were in a dupe, this girl thought she had a chance to re-group//
while they thought about nook//
they didnt want someone in thier age-group, they didnt want to cause themselves a bloop, so they began to become a troop//
She’d just been crazy, with her boyfriend just lately, they’d had an argument so she didn’t tell him she was carrying his baby//
She thought just maybe…he wont hate me, she looked up at the stars and prayed ’God please save me’//
they knew what they were after, by this time they'd allready ran past her, untill they decided to cast her//
For the role//
the bastards, they even laughed at her, they were so insensitive that after, they'd have even come and bathed her//
they dragged her from the pavement and hid her in a nearby basement, she was patient even though she wasnt the vagrant//
they went vacant, so she pulled herself up on a casement, she became strong and became the claiment//
These boys should have had a coupla bullest through em’, or at least sue em’, they shoulda got what was cumin’ like it was runnin’ to em’//
That girl once loved life, had a boyfriend and was about to be a mother and become a wife//
These boys ruined not just hers, but a chain of lives…not even knowin’ this girl has her sleeves rolled up, holdin’ a knife//
This girl was beautiful, she woulda suited y’all, now she’s in the clinic getting’ seamen swabbed from under her cuticle//
How come its never woman that rape men, women are wonderful, hold our kids but we rape them//
she had once been the winner of the local beauty pageant, now the headlines read "LOCAL GIRL GIVES STATEMENT"//



what y'all think?

Vokal Rights 01-24-04 12:26 AM

i forgot about the link thing....

im sorry by credz
american genocide by armo
i just wanna talk by formula MC

Vokal Rights 01-24-04 05:12 AM

BUMP....come on people........please, i need some feedback......c'mon.............tell me what you think of this....

ThAOnEFeMaLEe 01-24-04 12:44 PM

i think this piece was really good. didn't know were it was going at first but towards the end it came together. good emotion and flow. keep it up

Penskills 01-24-04 12:47 PM

..This was average..your structure was fucked up...your vocab was below average..but I for some reason like shit like this..I like the content..don't know why???...work on your scheme and vocab..peace..

VennyRhymes 01-24-04 03:45 PM

Good. Some weak rhymes but not to bad. Like the way it came together at the end.

Vokal Rights 01-24-04 06:30 PM

yo....thanks...it was a experimental flow ya know what i mean? i just wanted to tell a story an' shit...thanks for the feedback, keep it cummin'....

http://www.gangsonline.com/go.php?p=1052

spit it up 01-24-04 07:48 PM

tight tight i like it

Vokal Rights 02-15-04 07:36 PM

Yeah, I appreciate it all, thanks for takin' the time to read it....keep it cummin' please...peace


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