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-   -   religous retribution (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=109350)

Mr. Methaphor 01-24-04 05:10 AM

religous retribution
 
Im gonna spit some shit
So all lil youngstas take note and sit
Revel in this day i make my debut
An agry rapper thats sure to get more exposure and spread
farther than the flu
In the heavens it has my name written in codes
Try to decipher the truth,
See it come out intermingled like design cornrows
I eliminate all my foes
With a complex vocabulary that wil have u kissin my toes
Im the kid in the bak of the room lookn at u hard
With a more devilish anxiety than serial killers put behind bars
And right now im bein more pressured than a man under two cars
My name bein spoken introduces mixed responses
Sum say hes garbage and others embrace it
Now its a struggle to see who can last the longest
Sumtimes i feel i was put on this earth with no purpose
Like there is no god, how can u believe with so many religions,
It makes me nervous
Like how can one religion be tru and others be fake
If they were truly all revelations which route do i take?
Its as if they tarnished and molded everyone just for their sake
To make it more appealing to others,
So that followers would grow and make a nation easier to govern
Its like the Calvinists and the Lutherans, two branches of Catholicism with different results
Ones a successful nation and the others constantly fighting in turmult
So if religion is solely a tool to control then every religion is fake,
Its just garbage in a different package bein resold
A mind control device that makes u think ur doin right
A subjective usage that has ppl following wut they cant see with sight
So here this is my plight
Can America be a lil more open-minded?
Or is our nation bound to collapse on itself with ppl tryin to find it
Think of ur blessings that were given to u
These are obviously ur own doin
You work at wut u do
but if u cant open ur eyes this whole nation is bein lead to destruction
A utopian society can never exist cuz theres always gonna be corruption
So take heed to my words
Its all truth that just sounds absurd

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So wut u think of this piece?

Dev 01-24-04 05:27 AM

the forst thing id say is the flow it choppy..... even out the syllable count a bit, and carry the rhyming further, it will help.... and at the minute the scheme is too simple... add some internals... and some nice multis... it will add to the read.... make it more interesting... and will definately help the flow....
....return the favour....
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109245


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