RapVerse.com Community

RapVerse.com Community (http://community.rapverse.com/index.php)
-   Textual Releases (http://community.rapverse.com/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   Expression (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=109372)

1rstDraft 01-24-04 09:22 AM

Expression
 
Its only short but juss lookin fo a lil feedback/crit...

People say i have a hard time displayin my affection/
But do nuttin but complain when aggression hits tha surface of my expression/
My family thinks i'v fallen deep into depression/
I try to explain that state only hits when tha beam aint got much left in/
Wouldnt be half this bad if i still had a girl wit me nightly carresin/
Tho misinformed, my mind wasnt even slightly deformed/
My life meanings always been something unformed/
Even tho my hearts warm yet still remains battle-torn/

- 1d

1rstDraft 01-24-04 11:32 AM

anyone got any feedback for me?

- 1d

Penskills 01-24-04 11:33 AM

..get rid of the /..this is text not audio...fro your flow..it was okay..

Menik 01-24-04 11:51 PM

Yeah this was alright here.....the flow in this was alright, it stayed on point through out the piece i thought.....try to make your next piece a little longer but its ok....had some alright multies in there.....vocab was alright.....overall this was alright...keep at it.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:50 PM.