Footprints
 

This is a peice I dropped in SS.....just looking for some feedback on
what you all think....and what would make it better:

Footprints:


If as a child you had it bad, believe I had it worse
Cause it hurt when his sole crushed me into the dirt
Worth-less scars and bruises vanished from my skin
But within, my father’s footprints are still a burning sin
And it’s hard to exist in life going from being ignored
To adored, then beat again for receiving poor SAT scores
And that whore just watches as he stomps me like roaches
And coaches him like golf on the technique of his approaches
The pain encroaches upon my heart turning love into distress
Yet I survive under the stress of my parent’s footsteps

Feelings sorry for myself became as common as my steps
I got too used to that feeling and lost all my regrets
My life created my personality and the way that I act
Now everyday I’m a new person trying to cover my tracks

Sadness turns to anger in my heart and suddenly I’m painless
Overwhelmed by gayness as I tense my grip around this stainless
Steel blades swerve fluently and bloodstains fill the carpet
A heartless man dies before my eyes and slides into the darkness
Turning swiftly second thoughts only support the facts
I axe the bitch across the back before she has a chance to react
My body intact the massacre ends and sorrow is shattered
Two bodies battered to death before I even knew it happened
My brain drowns in a flood of consequences and conclusions
Illusions of covering my tracks occur blurred by confusion

Feelings sorry for myself became as common as my steps
I got too used to that feeling and lost all my regrets
My life created my personality and the way that I act
Now everyday I’m a new person trying to cover my tracks

I stand alone in the widow, dreaming of tomorrow
Steaming in sorrow, prepared to swallow a hollow
I wallow through days behind or ahead of my time
I try but I can’t put the past or the future out of my mind
Sweat climbs my face as I lay and stare at the ceiling fan
Goodbyes are hard, but God is a very appealing man
My peeling hands tremble as I debate my life’s existence
I’m persistent towards dying but I don’t have the commitment
I realize the times not right and set my assassin down beside me
I could walk away from life, but my footprints will still lie behind me

Feelings sorry for myself became as common as my steps
I got too used to that feeling and lost all my regrets
My life created my personality and the way that I act
Now everyday I’m a new person trying to cover my tracks

Nice piece here I liked the topic i give it a 8.5/10 keep droping
peace.

this topic is a bit overdone, but you did it nicely...keep it real dawg..everyone needs a good bout wit self pity chea 3rd verse was lackin vocab a bit...at least compared to the first two...keep it consistent...overall nice structure good use of multis lalala....8/10

Uppin...

..Not a bad piece..good flow and vocab..although it seemed forced at times..your imagery was okay..overall it was decent..peace..

I liked this piece, it was written well and you made it easy to see the picture as I read. I don't know I couldn't really see anything bad with this. Keep posting.

YEAH!... THIS IS WHAT I LIKES TO SEE.. for some reason i'm always drawn to these topic's... i love the way u executed it... it was beautiful lol (not really)... thats what i likes to read... read it like two i was feelin the image... nothing wrong about this.,.. give it a 9/10... nicness kid... we should collab... we will see...

Caesar On3