messed up...
 

roughdraft, its kinda long...

what i'm about to write, is what i truly feel,
fuck what i said in the past, now i'm being real.
i think i'm in love with you- or i'm caught in the thought of you,
yea what i'm saying is true-but i dont think you feel this too.
which is why i never said nun, cuz im afraid of rejection,
but i cant hide it no more- your caught in my recollection.
i have so many feelins for you that i dont know where to start,
i'm gonna try and the followin is straight from the heart.
your sweet words-i get so caught up in them
but they stopped cuz i messed up- i do condemn.
we don't see each other as much, but when we do talk, its something hard to break
and with every good or bad you do to me, it's my heart you take.
you might think im crazy cuz i never talk this way,
but it all started wehen u lost interest, it was on that day,
that i realized what i missed out on, i let go of something so part of me,
i didn't say anything cuz it was my fault, so i let it be.
i attempted to be distant, so that it looked like i didnt care,
but i couldn't resist talking to you and you were always there.
came off as cold,as if it didn't mean nothing to me,
truthfully it broke my heart, so now can you see?
you mean everything to me and of this im sure,
i'll be your best lady 'cuz my love is pure.
i hope now you understand who i am, and who you are to me,
and you'l unbreak my hear and set me free.
you are something special, and i promise i won't let you go,
please tell me you feel the same, let me know.
it's up to you now, we could have something well-bred.
just think this over, and keep in mind what i said.


...yea it was long lol so any feedback/criticism would be nice...

It was a nice read, cute and to the point. Flow was there, but the structure took away from it a bit. The scheme was simply and fit the tone of the story, so it worked in this aspect. I think you could work on some of the mismatched lines, in order to clean up the strucuture. You could have elevated the vocabulary a bit, added some deeper emotion to your writing style. Ohter than the technical aspects I pointed out here, there not too much to work on. I enjoyed the read, and suggest you work out the structure...

Nice read...

I liked it...Real good Flow...Very well thought out...Structure a little messy but that can always be improved. Keep it up..I hope to see more of this...

peAce

actually it wasnt all that long.
anywho it seems like a raw piece, like everything was written just how it came, which isnt all that bad, but it could be shaped up some. vocab was basic, structure threw me off a bit, flow was good with the exception of a few lines here and there. the over all message was delivered pretty well and was aproached in a bit of a different way which made it interesting.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

check out gambling hearts or protecing a child's dream