Protecting a childs dream
 

The peaceful times told in angel's rhymes
was brought to me by your nightly dreams
for sugar plums and dancing pixies
seem heavenly enough indeed

Now with the directions all drawn out
and a scenic route to stroll along
I set my feet inside your soul
and brace within me your heart's song

Hearing a sweet new melody
that flows within your veins
i'm attracted to your magic
so i ride it to your brain

Passages throu entangles memories
and throu cracks half mended in your heart
I find the thoughts unique to you
plus half the stuff i'd figured you'd forgot

In trays of information stored
I find your written stories
where the heros win and hate is lost
and the evil is always sorry

For a pure child you are to the earth
with no evil yet inside you
I promise i'll protect your mind
and let no evil dreams corupt you

~Tera~
DONT HATE

looking for some feed back

~Tera~
DONT HATE

sorry this has been slept on, you did me a great favour closing that battle and i'm a repay you for it, i felt the flow really kicked in from the first stanza, and you carried it through until the very last line, the second stanza was my favourite, not because of the ideas, which were amazing, but mostly because of the way it sounded when i read it aloud..It gelled...amazing, you have real talent..

if you wanna, check out 'Darren' in open mic, its on the first page, near to the top

This is a nice piece, i really enjoyed it. Never saw the concept of protection gone about in such a way. I like how you kept it mysterious and actually took yourself "into" the child. "I set my feet inside your soul
and brace within me your heart's song"
This and the fourth stanza were my favorite parts. Your examples of actual child thinking, like memories of things you thought they'd forgot, and fairy tales, really turned this piece up. So much for a simple topic, well at least to me. Nice drop, keep writin, keep doin it.

If the following response doesn't seem like I'm into it, it's because after reading this I in a completly unrelated even accidently spilled soda pop on my moniter. On another completly unrelated note, my cat still refuses to drink pop.

Anyway... I actually rarely pay attention to the titles. So it wasn't until the last part did I realize that this was ment for a child. And I thought that was absolutely amazing really.

Because I can easily imagine this being the kind of thing a mother would recite to their child in bed. It just has that sort of appeal to it. This is a really great peice and a pleasure to read. For real.

~Shalom~

It's works like this..that leaves me in awe...this was a great way to express your emotions..you had a great concept..along with great imagery...I really need to come here more often...

nice shit dawg i enjoyed it

first off..great topic something new and really interesting. also alot of good imagery. the flow was excellent and overall the piece was good. you brought alot of emotions to something that everyone well atleast i think everyone could relate too. keep writing i lyk to see pieces by you..

Great piece again by filed...this was greatly detailed with emotion..a lot of nicely worded imagry and it kept the reader focused on the poem. the hole aspect of this was creative..i enjoyed this stanza..


Now with the directions all drawn out
and a scenic route to stroll along
I set my feet inside your soul
and brace within me your heart's song

^^that was incredible..i loved that....keep up the good work...peace

Great piece with great structure and detail. You did something most people cannot do: u kept me intrested. The subject matter was also great, Great job. Hope to see more from you shortly.

first thing i noticed, was the emotion that was put into this, i could really feel it. Great topic too, lots of imagery. really liked this piece kept me interested, through out the whole thing, great drop

peace

This was beautiful. I feel like I just opened up my English Textbook to the poetry section, and just started reading. I loved it. It was great, an innocent imaginitive piece. No way I could hate on this.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111078
Return the love.

yo this peice was exelent, like evryone else said this has alotta imagery and its very emotional. very well written and it sounds real gud out loud!!!

.........favorite part.........


For a pure child you are to the earth
with no evil yet inside you
I promise i'll protect your mind
and let no evil dreams corupt you

that sounds exactly like what a mother would think, around the time when they are first born and she see's her newborn child for the first time!! gud peice!!! keep it up, kant wait 2 c yah next peice!

thanks for all the replies ppl!

~Tera~
DONT HATE