First I've ever put up here or written (Don't forget (a diss to all famous rappers))
 

I won't care if you tell me not to make another open mic ever again, but do note that this is a work-in-progress and is not complete

You rap to please the millions and entertain all day
But should you really be takin' in all of that pay

Don't you know that what you're doin puttin' out makes us look bad
So start to change for the good and stop goin' down as the bad

You should remember what motivated you to get in the business
I don't think it was to be known for you always sayin' shiznit

I'm sure it was to talk about how you guys felt on the inside
Now, what started off as a dream is now a money driven ride

As hard as it may be you should go back to rappin' about life
Not which one of these hos could easily be made your wife

Pretty sure you guys aren't in it for the violence or fighting at all
But you keep goin at it til words come to action and someone falls

Push yourself and make music that will touch someone some day
This might not do it, but I hope you yourselves will come awake

Someone is bound to listen and it'll always be a good listen
But so far your party hits will only go so far til people stop flockin

Don't forget where you came from and why
that with your dreams you can fly, or die
Don't forget people look up to you and smile
How long's it been since you've been yourself?.....A while

Now all y'all been talkin about lately is havin' sex and stuff
Don't need to be tellin' that to us, so sit down and shut up

Just 'cause it sells doesn't mean that it's always worth puttin out
You guys need to let your mind talk don't forget to shut your mouth

it's not done i only started writing it today in school when i had the chances

tell me what you think :thumbup:

not bad for a first drop... but stop dissin rappers... it's stupid... they don't know you... who cares... that's why emcees are out there...

^point taken


yes I'm aware i can't write that good and that's why I'm doin' these so i know wha i should be doing and how i should have stuff set up, thanks for the feedback, I'm open for more people telling me i suck

Look man I'm not about tellin people they suck or whatever I'm more about pushing em in the direction I know I wanna go....the way I see it the harder you work at it the more you elevate so keep doin your thing homie.....work on the rhyme....an try not to force the flow let it come freely.....peace.....oh an if you have time hit my Day&Night pt2 piece up or Not Dope Enough to be an Emcee......peace n keep elevating....it'll come to ya

it was alright....ok first drop, alot of one-liners,try some better metaphors and stay away from dissing millionaires...write something you know and people can relate to if you're going to tell a story....keep at it, you'll find what works for you.

return the favor as i enjoy the feedback too...let me know what you think. :}-~

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110587

^ stop taking my lines..this was okay for your first drop...you had a decent flow going on..