|
" My Thoughts Pt.2 "
This was a pretty fast write, just some shit im feeling... Enjoy...
My Thoughts Pt.2 This tune of mine... I cant hum it, my soul dropped from its summit The life thats been given to me... I plummit, now that you hung it Once life had a meaning, but when you left dark coverd my gleaming A hole has been left in my heart and soul, last traces are steaming Im reading the bible, and the scriptures with my soul are anything but bridle Religion crawled out my mind, As satan has moved in with suicidle Im an idol of my own, where I catch static and havoc... but yet peaceful My patients is elastic at times, but when stretched to far its leathel Im addict of pain, its attracted and I always seem to keep it active World seeming to be passive, but in reality im leaving myself captive My good thoughts turn to bad thoughts, and no plots create plots One hobbie of mine gets recognition, as the other can only stack cops Im locked in my own room, where there is no stocks with a life line There is no opening to my tunnle, now that I dround in my pipe line There is no such thing as a right mind, cause im left on the wrong side I guess it started when my first love left, and friends lost in a drive by My brain grasps onto huge secrets, and my shoulders soon wont heave it The flow of my life has been horrible latley, and my good is getting sea sick.... So what do you guys think, this wasnt supposed to be perfect... Just going through alot of shit, and needed to filter it out... |
Content. . I Was Feeling It Man, Forreal. . Overall, This Shit Was Nice. . Flow Was On-Point, Vocab Was Real Good. . Loved The Multi's In This Piece, Made The Flow That Much Better. . I Can Tell You're Going Through Alot Of Shit Man, You Can Get Through It. . Use Writing Like This As Your Gateway. . Dope Stuff, Pz.
- Check *Make It* and/or Doper Than Thou When You Can Man Thanks - |
Hmm..Nice..I liked tha multies in it
Could of had better vocab.. but thats not important You had good concepts..pretty deep Liked tha wordplay in some parts So all in all..a pretty good read....props |
Much appriciated from both of you... Thanks for returning the favors, and giving me the honest opinions... Tear em up Wise ways, lol... Holla at me if you ever want a collab. I will come out alot stronger if we do that shit ;)...
thanks again... ^UPPIN^ |
Why is everyone sleeping on this shit... ^ UPPIN ^
|
Aiight...the fact that you went into the soul to verse this one out is on point. You got grounds to be considered. It takes the real to spit the real. Even if its a free-verse. Keep doing it. Oh...try and keep your focus next time so it dont travel as much...but you now that I think about it (since you mentioned the Bible) the Lord said those in the Kingdom speak like the wind (back and forth...back and forth)...hahahaha....if no one has ever told you...hahaha. Do what you do!!
|
^ Thanks for a good opinion ^
UPPIN |
UPPIN
|
Great emotion in this...you gripped the reader easily on this...the concept was very good...you had some very interesting imagery and detail..your structure flow and all that non sence was good...your vocab was very good i thought...for the descriptions you used you had some very creative lines...and for that..you picked the right words i thought for instance this line...
Religion crawled out my mind, As satan has moved in with suicidle Im an idol of my own, where I catch static and havoc... but yet peaceful-HC My patients is elastic at times, but when stretched to far its leathel Im addict of pain, its attracted and I always seem to keep it active World seeming to be passive, but in reality im leaving myself captive-HC Very goods lines i felt you detailed the description on emotion very well there Keep up the good work man...peace |
Yo i was feeling this....good shit.....flow was very consistent an smooth...
My patients is elastic at times, but when stretched to far its leathel Im addict of pain, its attracted and I always seem to keep it active World seeming to be passive, but in reality im leaving myself captive Ill shit right there man....very nice.....i enjoyed reading this drop an i can see where you come from on this....people are always at their best when the emotions are running at the time an this showed it....good shit dawg an keep it up. |
^ Thanks for the Love and feedback hommies ^
UPPIN |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:52 AM. |