Comment on this folks...
 

E-yo, u stupid fucka, you try to sound like ur ass is black//
But the only freakin' quality I see in your ass is wack//
The sufficient skills needed to test me you're ass seriously lacks//
Cause findin' my rhymes is like findin' needles in a black haystack//
Guess who's back? Oh, it's that fuckin' Eminem wannabe//
Soulfire right now is more gangsta than ur ever gonna be//
My rhymes flow like da Nile, drivin' a path straight thru ur verse//
I put this dumb bitch in denial, face the facts, ur rhymes are worse//
You think you are Slim Shady, whitey, no one will stand up for you//
Cause they automatically recognize the winner, and bitch it ain't you.//

I really don't know where to begin..this is more like child's play...you really need to work on your scheme and vocab(along with few others)your wordplay was way too simple..I'm not saying use words no one understands,I'm saying expand your vocab..that's all from me..

Vocab- Weak
Punches- Weak
Wordplay- Weak
Flow- Ok

Structure= Take Out THe / And Make Your Lines Short And Sweet..

^ you were no help at all

expand on your lines.. add metas to make them more complex and try different set ups on how you approch the punch. add in personals and you could cut your lines down a bit...work on ya rhyme scheme and dont rhyme the simplest words.... like wack and black, if the people know what word your goin to rhyme it with its played, and i figured wack pretty easy. Read some battles in the LLL and you will catch on.

All the advice given here was good, and you should think about reading books.
It will expand your vocabulary and show you a bit of critical thinking.
Don't give up keep on practicing and eventually you will get there.

this is now

closed