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[Wk1 Champ Match]Sureal vs Evolve
Make it dope =)
Verses Due: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 Voting Ends: Saturday February 9th, 2004 Topic: On The Other Side |
In...
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Hello.
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On The Other Side.
------Hit With The News, At Quarter Past Nine. A State Of Shock, Was What Hit My Mind. Travel The Streets, Looking For Answers. Why Me, And How?.. Hit With This Cancer. Just A Young Man,.. A Family To Tend To. You Always Helped, Thanks I Do Send You. Every Sunday I Sit, In The Lords Church. No Help To Get, My Pain Only Gets Worse. All My Friends Gone, Last Time I Checked. Pain Comes From All Angles, I'm A Reject. Ones Who I Loved,..Have All Deserted Me. Even God Forgot, I Guess He Diverted Me. If You Take My Advice,.You Will All See. No-One Can Be, What You Want Them To Be. I'm Just One Man, Seems No Power Is Held. Taught By My Pain, But Life Is Withheld. Through The Time, I Almost Did It Myself. Just Always Thought,.. Look At My Health. I Thought Hard.. One Thing Was Realized. Never Make It Easy, Emotions Disguised. Flip Things Over, Look At Them Reverse. No Matter How Bad, Could Always Be Worse. When Your Two Worlds, Will Finally Collide. Sometimes You Must Look, On The Other Side. Death Is Inevitable.. The Cancer Did Catch Up To Me.....Goodbye.. |
Sureal... I Need An Extension Until Tommorow... I Would Really Appreciate It.. Im Just Really Busy Right Now To Write Anything Meaningful... If Not, Then I Understand
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Extension given
Due Wednesday next time, if you need an extension post in Anything Else thread (in office) |
Yea, Give Him the Time.
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Thanks Man... Will Post Today
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Sitting Inside The Confines Of Her Loving Womb Im Something Of A Love Child Who'll Be Budding Soon She Confides In Me Sometimes, But I Still Wonder Who Is Responsible For Coming At The Right Time.. Its Wonderful Plus, Im A Brother Too!!.. & In A Few More Months.. I'll Be Coming Through.. I'm Really Excited, But What Can I Do ... I Just Sit & Wait Watch The Days Pass & Anticipate The Date I Just Hate The Fact That I Don't Know Who My Dad Is I Mean.. She Does See This Dude.. But.. Its Not Like HE Matters He's Done Nothing But Cause Sadness When HE Beats & Batters At First.. He Completely Had Us Fooled w/ His Deceitful Manners Played It Cool & Pulled That " I Love You Too".. That Cheatin Bastard!! & She Is Gulible To Boot.. So That Keeps Her From Asking "Where Were You?" & "Who'd You Meet To Eat With Last Week?" These Are The Issues That Just Keep Passing.. & As He's Masking The Truth.. She Just Keeps Acting Cute Says Abosolutly Nothing Like She Happens To Be Mute & This Is Why I Refute... The Possiblity Of Him As My Father While My Brother Insits He Is.. But Still Says "Why Bother?" "Its Harder To Care So Why Should I Start Ta" "If I Were You.. I'd Do My Part Ta Become A Martyr" "Babies Go To Heaven .. Dude, Its A First Class Charter" BUT.. I Don't Want To Be A Goner.. I Love My Mom & Want To Gaurd Her .. Be Her Armor & Protect Her From The Abuse.. He Said " Me Too.. But Whats The Use" "What Could You Possibly Do To Stop Those Size 12 Boots".. He Was Right.. But, I Didnt Care...I Still Had To Try.. So As The Time Came To Go.. We Said Our Good Byes.. He Wrapped The Umbilical Cord Around His Neck Like A Tie.. & With Tears In His Eyes.. He Said To Me: "Don't Worry Brother.. I Love You & I'll See You On The Other Side" |
Come On Man.. Where Are The Mother Effin Votes!!!
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Sureal-Your style was fairly simplistic...the lines were very short and straight to the point. There wasn't a large amount of imagery, and very little wordplay. There was a lot of emotion that shone through though. I noticed that you rhymed the exact same word a few times, which is awkward (held & withheld, be and be, etc). I enjoyed that you gave the whole scenario. Your writer's voice was a little on the weak side.
Evolve-Your flow confused me....at times it seemed flawless, and other times feeble and awkward. maybe it was just the way I read it. I really like the perspective, of the unborn child. It's a little common, but it was portrayed well. The idea of the abusive father/boyfriend is really played out. You had some nice multies, and your writer's voice was strong. I really really liked the ending...it's a strange to think that a miscarriage is the babies decision, but in this case it was cool. v/evolve |
Evolve went at this with a very unique prospective...
Inside the motherfucking womb... And twins at that. Very unique, very creative, very close to ultra mega dope. But then ya go and hop on the bandwagon of what appears to be the "latest craze" at RB... "Momma was abused and I had to watch it or know about it or whatever" So... That brought the rhyme down very much to me... But, the perspective was still pretty amazing. Sureal hit nicely, but I've never been that big of a fan of his format... I''d argue that that isn't rap at all, it's poetry, but whatever. His point was a good one, good meaning. But not much else besides pity is brought to the table... Poor guy has cancer. Ok. So what. You didn't mention a family, a lover, a passion in your life like writing, or anything that you'd miss. I felt you came up way short on emotion. I felt nothing for this guy, I'm sorry. Peace Winner: Evolve |
2-0.. Thanks for voting
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I Lost. Easy To See.
Welcome To The Champion Circle... Evolve.. *Closed* |
alrightey then.
just for my records sake then: Evolve (1-0) Sureal (0-1) |
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