deep shit
 

ayo ayo
everydays the same, lifes full of 'strife and haste,'
sittin on the blocks thinkin my 'lifes a waste.'
'knifes blades faced', no purpose in life, just the facts i faced,
just the whole 'game' and how now days 'fame' is based.
gives ya mouth a sour taste, life flows by so fast, impossible to be paced,
so i just think whateva, this time i hold the lever, this is where i was placed.
course im nervous, im goin about flowin about my lifes purpose,
so i look past the surface, i took the last tought, is life 'worth~this'?
ayo now as i slowly slip away, all i can do is hold on and start to pray,
why do i strive to stay alive only to die anotha day?
and still, i be gettin chills, there aint nothin to 'fufill tha g', (fufill the gap)
its hard to digest, you cant be the best, always gunna be a emcee 'iller than me.'
'cats' killin 'dogs', they all lie thru they teeth, anotha man beatin his wife,
anotha dog lying motionless on the ground, now is this what you call life?
well if it is all of you mistaken, just these thoughts leave me shaken,
how yall can go on living life, anotha dreamless cats life was just taken.
this rap is my last tear, i cant give up now, i gotta perservere,
altho rollin the barrel could always make my lifes problems dissapear.
so i hold the six shooter, roll the barrel, pull the trigga, im past despair,
my life flashes, seeing the ones i love, and thinkin what it would be like if i wasnt there.
its a blank, one in six chances, and im still alive,
i was spared, its not my turn to arrive.
i pull it again, i hope my loved ones are all understanding,
5 seconds after the second time i pulled the trigger, im still standing.
im two for six, course no one wants to save me, why would they even bother,
my mind flashes back, and i start remembering times i threw a football wit my father.
times i had questions so serious, but i was to shy to ever ask it,
well its to late, now i see my mother crying, looking at my open casket.
as im lowered to the ground, my mom starts to scream and shout,
just cuz i was a depressed kid, only trying to reach out.
i hold the gun to my head, thinkin about i put my life wit a treason,
i just think whatever, i pull the lever, theres no bullet, now i know i was put here for a reason.

holla wit feedback

holla wit feedback please :huh:

Eh...this was overall not that great. Just another pointless verse about bein angry and negative shit and whatnot with no real topic...vocab was just boring, there was nothing to grab my attention, the flow was real weak and choppy at times, you need to elevate more man 4/10

thanks fo tha feedback...this verse i really didnt give a fuck if it flowed, i wrote it the message...no doubt tho

Yeah this was ok here....structure in this was alright i thought, could be fixed up a bit, cause some lines were kinda stretched out though but nothing big.....had some ok multies in the first couple lines i thought, try adding some more though....the content in this was ok....but keep at it man.

i think you should chose a better topic, try to be original, as hard as it is..lol.... but thought you got the flow ok, werent too bad... and some of the content n scheme was decent, but you need to be more rounded,.... and use more internals n multis,.. this seemed like it faded as it went on.... work on it.... return the favour

this was not deep...it was wack!!!!!!..and you are wack!!!!!!you flow was wack!!!!!!!!your structure was really wack!!!!!!!everything was wack!!!!!!!!(I really need an auto REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

check my other flows, this one was just on a day i was half assed spittin shit about my life