Suicide
 

Suicide, Suicide, Suicide, it's like music to the ears
This incredible act that can rid you of all those fears
The last hope you have when no solutions can appear
Going through the day thinking of how it can be done
The second the thought comes, your end has begun
:shoot: A gun, a knife, rope, pills, or a leap out of a window
Many different possibilities of just how you will go
Majority choose the knife, they take it to the wrist
Or at times to the neck, either one fufills your wish
Take some pills, and drink water then you drift away
Coming up with colorful ways on how you'll display
Yourself when you'll be discovered, maybe covered
In blood, arms all red, a pool surrounding both sides
Or under a lawnmower revealing all of your insides
Cups of bleach or even purposely drown at the beach
While you're with mom and dad and your little bro
They'll be alright as long as they never get to know
It wasn't an accident, right? You were just being nice
You can goto school, grab some gasoline and a light
Set yourself on fire infront of peers, watch you ingite
Fire alarm goes off, kids in shock, watching you burn
You're not even screaming, this was an act well earned
You're in a kitchen, making yourself a snack to eat
As you go by the oven and feel the sense of the heat
And make up your mind and stick your head inside
Then parents come home and smell you from outside
You lay in your room, it's late, you just got dumped
As you put a bag over your head cause of that cunt
It's late, you get in your car, turn it on and you'll wait
Taking deep breathes, inhaling fumes, it's your date
With death, your departure from this sick cruel Earth
Taking back your birth, ending this untolerable curse
And making it so you're the one in a back of a herse
As you lay in the furnished coffin as you're put to rest
Your friend at your funeral decides that he'll be next
Already bought the gun to obtain a meeting with death
The repeating cycle, the ones who chose their own fate
It's right to him, wrong to some, an irreversable mistake
But at this rate, those against even at times will debate
Whether or not to live, It has crossed everyones mind
You can't deny it, you all know that at one point in time
You've debated your own life, at one point you hate it
But, some realize that Life is just what you make of it
And as of right now, I've got this urge deep down inside
As I start to cry as the idea of Suicide crosses my mind

come on ya'll don't sleep on dis right here, uppin

i think this was well expressed a gloomtoopic made interesting need minor work on expression of detail but it was powerful.

deep shit...nice flow...
would be dope if you elevated it slightly...
keep spittin...

thanx fo the comments i'll take 'em to mind......uppin for more

Yeah this was alright here man....kinda a long read but it was worth it i thought.....structure was good in this....had good emotion in this, some parts i could relate to in a way....flow was good in this, stayed on point through the whole thing...keep at it man.

thanx man, yea sry bout the length lol, uppin

Well.. Lets start shall we?

Your concept.. Isn't terribly original if not a degree away from played. Suicide is a common topic with you depressed middle class kids! But nonetheless this was an alright read.. Nothing terribly mind-blowing. Much like reading a grade-school poem, minus the death part.

And I cannot stress enough to everyone that.. Smileys do not have any added effect in your open mic and they just look stupid. Ahh, now your rhyme scheme was a tad simple.. I caught the occasional multi.. But no real internal/external rhymes happening at all.

You're not all that bad.. You just need to work on internal/external rhyme scheme and come up with a half-decent topic and just keep writing.

Stay up. pz.

eripsni-

EDIT -

Also, never ever post a poll in open mic.. You won't get better by looking at the votes.. You'll get better from the comments that people leave.

Yeah this was pretty good actually, surprising as I don't usually read in open mic.
The flow was good, really started to get into it.
=Good

thanx musick, uhhhh inspire, who gave u the right to call me a depressed middle calss kid, u don't kno shit about me or my life so don't start shit u don't kno about

uppin for sum more replies