My Feelings
 

This is for a women that I have deep feelings for and this is being
posted before I actually read it to her. To me it doesn't need to be critiqued
because this is truly how I feel...Get it??
Blah..


'My Feelings'

You have perfect vision eyes placed in a graceful possession
I'm just a man falling for a Latin women, with a strong will and strong body movements.
With your attitude I always was assumin,I was just loose ends
but I stay gazing at your spheres of black holes and view my feelings fall in.
I can't take control of my emotions,........Your skin like a luv potion
That if my lips of words was to touch yours. I become Rhetorical with the essence of lotion.
Her hair is as black as the perfect Pitch,....and curvy like an ocean
but waves couldn't touch the motion on this shorties hips.She has the perfect heart shaped
Kiss.I feel so restricted when she visits,hands set aside I feel Bliss.
I remember when you stated a male only once sex,..... But all I want to do is touch your skin
So you can feel my warmth, ....but I know all my chances are gone.
I wish on a falling star that I can have a women like you, feeling you while your in my arms
Every time I see you I'm surprise you can't see threw, my feelings
Because their so strong, I wish I could turn back the hands of time,.......so U could be my
-Valentines-

*Crys*

Damn I am hoping she crys when I read this to her..That means I touched her heart..

and oh yeah this is the last time you see me ever script a sensitive piece..

*Turns back into Violent stage*

Uppin my whackness

Well...as you mentioned, this doesnt needa be critiqued...but I will anyways; its being slept on(rightfully so)
Your flow was ok, in some areas, you ruined the flow...vocab was average and your topic was corny. But then again, I cant relate to it, Im a male. Your multies werent exceptional in any means..though i liked some of your metaphors, along with your wordplay. Overall a 6/10 because i couldnt relate to it.
Please return the favour, mine is also getting slept on.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...637#post1147637

Yeah I have to admit this one I did wasn't all of that ...But When I read it to her she had a big Kool Aid smile...and she asked me what am I doing for valentines day...So hey it was good enough