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'Exposure' By: Dazasta & Straight Ace
Dazasta
The rain splashed lightly…dancing on the window… Watched clouds breathe winds breath…daydreaming essential.. Memento… of past sweeps through my mindset… And monuments of you..stood frozen in a timeset.. I wept..and slowly started progressing… Joy’s absent properties left impressions on my depression… Kept in..side, all of my miseries..left pain in the bars… No one on earth could answer..so I searched for answers in the stars.. It kept me at large…cruel words broke this heart… The light of my life was swallowed in death’s dark… Yet apart..from reality..sold completely to pain’s merchants.. Worthless and without a purpose…happiness reflected at the surface.. Maybe it was worth it…wipe away fate with destiny’s erasers…. Lost and lonely..so I went to seek refuge… in razors.. While I sat later…looking everywhere for closure.. I perceived that your love and death…granted me exposure.. Straight Ace Giving birth to this inner thoughts, reveals, still i struggle to prevent.. That these hidden brainworks.. Turn my wide open way to w/e..into a small one with a narrow end... Clockwise spin my thoughts no logic attached It's ..unique.. Exposure nears..week...after week.....after week. Cold places set in as warm comfy settings get lost, due to lies.. As i witness the morph of these with sparked & embodied eyes.. One does tremble...cold floors warmed by tears..No one expected.. I been livin in foreign states & left reality & truth neglected.. Step inside a room at once light flares & questions speak.. Merely pointin out that exposure nears..week...after week.. Accept..Fight it..Die..Options in reach of body & mind..I could.. Take the easy way out of this..But if i dont do it, exposure would.. |
hey..we're dope...respond
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U guys make me proud, =) Real nice very good immagery from both, good flow, .. vocab .. & the story telling was realllllly enjoyable, .. damn u really got some potential =) for real.. i liked this, .. props .. to both of you .. :)
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Wow...daz..daz..daz..you are elevating at an abnormal rate at these topicals..this was a very dope piece that you dropped...you gave excellent imagery..I"m very impressed by this showing..I seen where you were going with this...overall...this is your best piece I've read...Ace...Your piece may be overshadowed by daz's excellent piece..but dammit..it was still a very good read..Overall..an excellent collab..i expect to see more outta you two characters..
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yes j u will.. thx eddy..MORE FEEDBACK
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Jacent's opinion is irrelevant.
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Dope..
The 'clouds breath winds breath'.. 'rub at fate with destinys eraser' lines were like whoa... real nice.. Both verse were perfectly structured.. excellent vocab.. hardly a flaw in each.. Deep imagery throughout... Basically two tight verses.. Props.. |
thx..more feedback
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i agree with edicus, execpt im not going to upload my avatar!!
i think both of these cats is getting better at topicals, an i seen a few open mics of both of em now, i think? nice immagery, coupled wit vocab, lightly sprinkled with wordplay made this piece an enjoyable 'open' to read, now y'all both slow down elevatin an let me catch up!! |
thx respond..
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Respond Please....................................
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uppin............................................. ...
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nice piece here.....both of you i thought captured the topic well.....daz had some nice multies in there.....vocab was well planned....well written....the imagry was nice to.....u had some really good lines....like "fate with destiny's erasers...............razors..." sick i like that part...structure was decent.....flow very good...
straight had some nice lines too....consistency was good from both....your structure was good too....vocab good....imagrey decent.....overall...it was a good piece from both of you...i liked it ...7/10.... keep droppin....good job |
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