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The Pheonix's Final Flight
The Pheonix's Final Flight . . . Dark rain cascaded down, but through the stale weather Shone the intricate detail of this bird's tail feather's Potraid in tales of legend as eagle-like .. a 'Flying Sword' Head bravely adorned with a crest, & pennach finely wrought Which implied of course, the bird had reached retirement age So he began building a nest in which he'd face life's final stage . . . Delivering a fine display, as he glided past kids Wings stretched to Showcase his aerial dynamics Rapidly changing direction, switchin' prose as he climbed His wing's of blazing gold an amazing ode to the sky But short of time, he collected sticks and worked fast to build himself a new home, alone on a perched branch An alert stance in his posture as he turned toward the sun Yet he refused to leave the forest until his work was done . . . They learn when young to fend for themselves in rough patches No parents, as their raised from their flesh and blood's ashes The pheonix strong passion just wont allow him to quit & .. He found it within himself to stick at it 'til he was finished Twigs twisted into Formation as he fumbled and probed Until the end result was some what of a humble abode . . . Trouble was Closing in, see unknown to his Knowledge Within the heart of the forest, an inferno had started The phoenix stared from its nest through his eyes of red Realising he'd met a dire end, as the fire spread .. As the flickering flames rose, he was certain of death .. Consumed by the amber heatwave now burning his flesh With one final nervous breath, he released a violent screech That echoed throughout the forest; fading w. the silent breeze The last of a dying breed, but know that he smiles at night Down from above, as children read: "The Pheonix's Final Flight" |
wow i feel special.
nice drop: great imagery, vocabulary, and story telling hit up my collab wit wise ways if u want |
After you leave fdeedback like that on my piece? I'd rather not, thanks.
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ok thats why i said if you want.
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If you want - you can give me oral pleasure later on.
If you want. = / |
p.s.
its phOEnix and sure ;) (my last free post) |
i thought this was decent.... you told it well, and it seemed to build the further it went on,,, you stayed on topic good.... ive seen similar peices, but you executee it quite well.... the wording flowed nice and the vocab was expressive, with some detailed imagery.... all in all a decent piece
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i liked this peice..nice flow and everything in it..gave great imagery made me feel as if i ere the phoenix myself...metaphors and everything was on point nice wordage used...didnt stray to other things..impressive peice baron..keep droppin
hit up my peices..with Me,Str8 Ace and jacent, Me and Str8 Ace,me and fl~0~metry thx |
I thought this was good and way original compared to the usual kill me cos im hard open mic's we have around here...very good imagery could see it like a movie or somethin..caught a couple multis and the vocab was alright but overall this piece just seems to stand out for some reason :thumbup: 7/10
Please return fav and peep my written cos i dont want it gettin slept on http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111782 |
wow, deepness. you're different. :rolleyes:
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Dawg - if your gonna reply like that then fuck off, your not worth my time.
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I liked this one to a point really nice imagery which plays a big part....Good vocab you definitly know how to use a dicionary ...or have gottten a pretty extensive education....wasn't feeling the flow of this one mainly because of your rhyme scheme...but when i say wasn't feelin i am cmparing it to the when the condom broke one which i liked alot more than this one....but for what it was it was nice good use of the topic plz peep the open mic lyrical fitness....wise ways and underrated...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110837 |
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:shocked: ..WoW...once again I'm truly amaze by your style...this line was probaly the best line I've read on this site...Baron your imagery on this piece was out of this world..just the opening alone made it worth the read.. "Delivering a fine display, as he glided past kids Wings stretched to Showcase his aerial dynamics" ^I can picture this in my head and it gives me a little smile...your flow was as always consistent...and you probaly have the best scheme I've ever seen...(one question..why you suck at audio???...LOL...J/K)...this was just simply amazing.....take care...(I'm still wating for you to read my piece and share your thoughts....^^) |
Yea this was real good, to bad u had so many homo reply's so im going to be nice, ..
U started this off very good, the foundation for your ' story ' was executed very nice, the different parts, as in the beginning , .. & the end was real dope .. the content of your story enjoyed me it attracked me...so props on that not many people do that w/ an Om, .. the indepth always is missing, seems but you keep that in it.. so its all good..now your vocab was good, like ur flow.. & the sheme of rhymes, was olso not simplistic, so iunno what to say about this.. ne more, .. i liked it .. =) .. Good story .. |
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You have a quote from Sublime D in your sig that you rock like his opiniopn matters at all. Please .. dont open your mouth to me. |
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