Venting
 

Just gettin some stuff of my dome. please let me know what ya think


Caught up in a different world
wit different strokes
life has been kinda hard
without my folks
pretended not to be offended
by the reverend
because to survive I had to befriend him
my concious is rotten
a virus is brewin
tryin to stop'em
those bad thoughts that'll ruin
any good man and
split him in two, damn
I can't stand this, I'll vanish
before i let god finish this plan
he has branded me with
my wits have left me
to test me is stupid
the best is still in me
and yes I can prove it
and once it's unleashed
you can't elude it
so pray for me
the sinner kept quiet
a riot inside
and i cannot fight it
I'll try anything once..........
next up is dying

thought this showed potential... although, your structure needs sorted out, write in bars, but your flow seemed ok, and the content decent, just could have been worded better..... keep at it... even up the bars........ hit mine....

Yeah structure your writing better, the flow was pretty good but vocab should be elevated. Just keep doin ya thang and youll get good pretty quick..

fucked up structure...but you did have a decent content..you did show a little sign of hope...peace..

Everyone seems to be commenting on the structure so fix that up lol, try making your lines a bit longer and kinda even, so its structured good and so it helps the flow out in your pieces....the content in this was alright.....try upping the vocab a bit.....but overall not to bad, keep at it.