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A Vision
The hue's of the skies blue
Loomed in my view Clouds were melted by the sun and my happiness grew an an amethyst flew,past the trees the air so quiet i heard a bumble bee sneeze while lungs of pristine were breathed nature conducted a breeze and i was entrusted to see,and listen as blades of blunt grass glistened dancing till lost in their rhythm i smiled at this moving picture and clutched at the prison that i can't get get in... You see i'm old and hurt now i'm told the earths foul natures gardens poisoned black and it sickens mind and bowel and it sounds, like the face of death a place you struggle for breath grey and horribly bleak and 'greeds' the colorists theft The trouble is left, no one cares trees are leafless and bare once beautiful plants are scared to show their true colors as nothing is spared, the skies been stained the suns lost its reign pollution smothers its warmth and the rays no longer play now sombre shades, cloud that garden which my memories are guardin reminiscing made me smile but dissapears between the margins A place where arson, has burnt my eyes My vision has died So i'm thankful that for 40 years i've been blind... |
upping
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gay..
a reply please |
LoL...
Nice piece Fgee.. Nice and short lines Good flow... Showed imagery... Props.... |
Yea !! this was nice, good sheme i liked the reading flow very nice, .. very good flow, the content here was nice, good story telling my friend..very nice .. vocab was on point, & good.. enjoyed this mate, .. its being slept on why!!!!? UpppppERRRRR>
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It wa str8 ..keep it up dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Holla at me
Post shitty replys like this again & you are banned a week from Om. -Eddy |
Liked the flow...
Structure was abit wierd... Maybe the lines are too short... But that is probably what gave you a good flow... Havent seen anything from you before... For near 3000 posts id of thought it would have been better? Maybe? It was a nice piece... Nothing really stood out to me though... Maybe if you didnt seperate the lines... Making 2 lines into 4... Good concept though... Portrayed nicely... Pz |
Castro Xl...
congratulations u have officially entered RB's gay reply hall of fame freeman... it wasnt complex but i liked the imagery of it and the change of the picture. not perhaps the best piece i've done but it was more experimental than anything |
Quote:
this was very nice...I liked how kept everything so simple..it made it very easy to follow..^that was my favorite line..very simple line,yet very true...this had a great content along with great imagery..very nice...~~ |
I liked the flow on this, I thought that was a major aspect of this being a good pieec, the content was something to be questioned though, I was feeling the depth and personal meaning in this, it lacked any good wording though, but the piece was carried out with good lyrics, i spose i mean the wording could be improved, but the flow was def, got me vibing along to text, O_o
Pz. |
nice drop dog, i been waiting for something like that to appear in this sessionl.
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Too nice. I really like this one, it had imagery, a flow to it, stayed on topic, it was well worded, and i can feel it. i see the same thing everyday, and i'm glad i can still be blind at times. Thanks
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uper
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wack as fuck ..
props. |
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