Fractured Living..(Keystyle)
 

gather my pass of slumps, i've had a disaster past
life is scattered whiplash, get's fatter fast like a dump it's always trash
anyway.. I crashed, didn't care with a attuide in me I lost my hair
tossed flairs, lost from gratitude, life said sorry for not being there..
I'm not going nowhere, backoff, im wonderless.... shit
ya passing to a armless stick-shift in relay, a person that doesn't want it
i get pumped up, and my life is a shotgun so it shoots my excitement
take this, but my life sucks... especially when it gets in head of you

thought the scheme was a bit basic, but it carried ok... for a beginner,,, if you are.... it was far to short tho... cant fit anything into them... also ya syllables were a bit choppy and some of the wording, which knocked the flow,,, but jus work on it...............

Yea... I put this up, in..... like 3mins, tops... Thanks for peeping, thought no one would.. just wanted to put something down here.. even if it is garbage... I thought i wrote more then that...lmao, o well.. I will write more latter on, nha.. im not a beginner.. just new to this site. thanx for the crit...

bad structure...very very very choppy...vocab was basic...concept was decent...keep writin n elevatin

^ehh, stfu and see me in a battle.. I already crit myself.. i dont need anymore.. please dont up this.. set up a battle and get lumped btich.......

it's nice to know that there is someone out there who will admit to their flaw..most of this people on here,if oyu tell'em to work on something,all they do is bitch..I can see that you have a little potenial...keep it up..peace...~Click my sig~~~I'm Dope~~~~~~Biatch~~~~^.^