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get the message?
hot water bottles can't aid the coldness of my shoulder the boldness of a boulder lies in the eyes of the beholder that cries to people older than the lies of the moulder who sculpted us all from road ties and enemy mortar shells exploding, detroying the homes of hermit crabs but the cream cleared that up; read off firmer tabs so that we may earn her laughs, on the burner's last legs from dancing in the heat of the flash in the pan its the clash of the man whos personality is a scam selling meditative powers to me through infomercials try to enhance my rehearsals with true controversials to spread love from ear to ear, leave the fear too near to your bedside so your dreams are still reversed in mirrors but this teaches you a lesson, breaching your confessions you can read the hidden message |
nice short little piece...with good simple wordplay and good content...no clue why this is getting slept on..I enjoy reading oyur piece now and then...drop more on here...peace..
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Okay .. firstly, that isnt a multi rhym,ing words ending with the same last syllable repeatedly, thats the only thing that distracted me in this .. flow was decent .. told it straight .. a little short i felt .. ended abruptly .. id of liked to see it developed further but ehhh .. it wasnt bad for its length, could of took the subject a little better - i hate the 'hidden message' type pieces .. picked up in the middle .. probably was my favourite section actually .. the beginning didnt really 'draw me in' as id of liked, the body of the verse seemed to do that more. Imagery was coo' .. told it well .. transitions were ok .. pretty fluent .. held my attention, but that could of been due to the length, lol.
Straight piece. Return favours, piss flap :) - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111551 |
thought you got this off to a good strong start, liked the scheme of rhyming, but maybe the words seemed too similar... amybe thats jus me, i dunno.... but you stayed pretty consistant thru, with some good strong wordplay... simple, but effective... all in all thought you got alot into this for such a small peice..... nice man
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good peice...short but sweet...
wordplay and content were on point... there were no real flaws...definitely one of the best peices on the board right now... favorite line... "hot water bottles can't aid the coldness of my shoulder the boldness of a boulder lies in the eyes of the beholder" ill start... keep Spittin... return the favor...check my battles in my sig... we need votes we gettin slept on hard... |
i felt this peice was too short, it carried alot of concept and originality in it tho. The vocab was very good and it flowed perfectly.... didnt catch on to alot of the lines, it was like you put to much into them.. this was overall a good peice
return the faver... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111741 |
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