Yo
 

I'm new to the site, but i still spite any emcee above me we stay in a steady fight/ gunz ready and i'm doin what's right what's tight but in my eyes is u seein' god's light/ you can't fuck with a rappin clown/ you stay down like rainy days and frowns i beat u down hang u by a shoe strang then come back the next week and shoot you around/ i do this for the laughter if a new page is needed then flip to the next chapter/ I'm hangin up like championships banners on the bulls rafters/ and me the one leading in your capture/ i'm coming back like god's rapture/ i'm coming back to catch ya while my bullets latch on to ya/ so spit a dope lyric if u think u down/ nah fuck it bullets rang out u might not wanna make another sound/

you got sum nice multies for a newbie, but structure is lacking, flow aint bad either. could do with some wordplay. just keep at it you will get better. 5/10

you had a few good metaphors in there, but you need to make it a lil more complex ya know, think about your lines a lil more, looks like you just threw it all together. keep wrighting and keep elevating

hey tell me how i could step up the game play, i'll write one more to see what i can do

have a look at my battle with sylicon, the link is under my sig.

1 Open Mic Per Day...Follow The Rules.