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-   -   puerto rican solder (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=112073)

lunatic 02-04-04 10:14 AM

puerto rican solder
 
My rhymes are the best/ I blow this shit to ur chest/yall bitches are rookies/I'll blast u wit my ozzie :shoot: /I may be new here/ but I'll bust on u bunch of queers/hey pato I fuck ur mom :sex: / when I was done I told her to stay clam/yall rookies ain't ready for puerto rican soldier/I'll shoot u 9 times like 50 and u could me the eyes of the beholder/any bitch who want to come at me/ i hope ur ready to try to set me free .

Lunatic

set-ignorance 02-04-04 10:21 AM

Hey, um a lot needs to be worked on, but u know not bad, not bad... Keep it up newb..

Penskills 02-04-04 10:35 AM

Wow...this was ...Hmmm~~~Just die!!!!!1

Freeman 02-04-04 10:54 AM

Sighs...

Why... Do you have shit in your eyes or something?

You need to go work on everything...

Structure...
Flow...
Creativity...
Vocabulary...
Imagery...
EVERYTHING...


Wack...

pz

Castro XL 02-04-04 11:02 AM

Huh help this dude go pray Im out holla at yah boy

Menik 02-04-04 01:04 PM

Since no one will tell you what to do to improve i'll help you out a bit....Work on everything....dont structure it in paragraph form like that...put it line on top of line so its structured good and try keeping the lines around the same syllabals so it helps the flow out....also try adding some multies...and if you need more help go to the forum that says Wackness Emergency Center..There is tutorials in there and stuff like that...keep at it.

snakeyes 02-04-04 01:44 PM

yo, whats up with you ryme skeem, you aint got it.

ELEETE 02-04-04 02:17 PM

Daayam playa alguien ayudenlo.....nah jk......elevate homeboy........youll only get better with time........keep at it an dont let anyone bring you down.........
peace.........check out my latest post dawg.....

I Bought Her Flowers Today
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111616


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