Hallucinations
 

fans spinning on the sealing of the dimly lit room,
idly muttering to myself, hoping this would be done soon
that I could run soon
home to the place in which it remained safer
the switch pertained to razors;
the cut was deeper, longer than the savour.
but a savour there still was, and the savior still lingered
and father's hands,
stroked over the chalice he fingered
as he passed out, wafers that is, holier than thou
to show me why and how,
hopes arced in my skeptical eyebrow
and i browsed across the faces of the congregation
waiting there in line,
no spaces there for patience
cause the songs that played overhead
were lulling them to sleep
and the book of revelations was never quite this deep
when it came to be my turn, I learned the host was not so bad
a simple tingly taste, singly wasted on this lad
but all of a sudden, a weight hit my unsuspecting shoulders
had I been idle in here?
how could I have been such a disrespecting holder...
of the love that God gave? the spirit and flame of Jesus?
I felt weak in the knees, just
as I was searching for the reasons
this man died for us! and even the priests looked bored!
it's not just some stupid story!
this should never be ignored!!!
I saw the devil in the faces of those who were my peers,
driving me to tears,
I never chose the road that led me here
to this satanic asylum, and the eucharist opened my eyes
I coughed and I cried, but they only kept me inside
and as I sat back in my pew, I continued with my rant
saw I was one of the few who knew
that this nest of worship was falling off it's branch
and when I finally thought the people there had had enough
the man in front of me turned to my mother, saying
"Would ya Shut That Kid Up?!"



...Nobody listens to a baby

Hahahahahahaha. Well well, Maven...I must say, you cease to amaze me.
You can write truly from the heart. I don't know what it is, but when you write, you touch me. o.O
Great work...it was so...graceful.



Then the ending make me crack up. LooL. That was great.

"that this nest of worship was falling off it's branch"

very nice flow to it..
original story which was well worded and delivered
liked the twist at the end..always a good thing in a story

capped it off well

although i'm not religious at all i still enjoyed the story and content for what it is
good shit maven

Why does one of the greatest writers on RB get slept on?

Because RB is gay like that

Good story i must say...this was very rich in imagery
as well as presence...i liked it a lot

flow was nice and the ending brought it all together
while at the same time made it more confusing

that shit was hard.............................................. ...........propz....................

This was a good piece, it was expression.
At first, when I seen the ends of the rhymes, (could still work on 'bigger' rhymes)
I thought they were kinda plain.
But as I read on, it was really worded dope! (vocab. and wordplay was there)
The structure was good, but could be improved a bit.
It wouldmake the flow it smoother.(extend each line maybe)


Overall like I said it was a good piece.
Keep updating it!


JamesJr.

if you woudnt mind maven....id like for you to critique me harshly

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...920#post1160920


thanks man