Personal Testament 3 (100 Bars, 1000 Words)
 

Personal Testament 1
Personal Testament 2

The beat accelerates as it goes on - you should be able to figure it out.
I just started writing a few months ago so I'm looking for feedback - thnx.

CHORUS: (2x)
Don’t avert your ear as my words are spoken
Tremble in fear ‘cause I’m certainly not jokin’
Be stunned by what you hear but this is just a token
The end draws near - the last god’s awoken.

S…M…Z…

Got y’all wonderin’ what that stands for
((Seraph Maverick Zenith)) a champion of yore
Seraph for the divinity that’s masked at my core
Maverick for the knee I won’t place on the floor
Zenith because I’m perfection’s paramour
On one proverbial hand a collector of lore
On the remaining palm an avatar of war
I combine ‘em to create a thing not seen before
Then chastise mankind with this melodious roar
And strike you six times with a four by four (six stanzas of sixteen)
For following the beast and his voluptuous whore
By breaking the oath which at conception you swore
Exchangin’ worship for life at the celestial store
Now you deify cash and place it at the fore’.

Do you actually think this is the time to try to obtain more
When tribulation’s comin’ worse than a forty-day downpour?

I say I’m the best ’cause it’s a necessary tradition
Necessary in one way it makes more fools listen
If I didn’t the majority would never hear my fission
So the desire for acclaim puts my sickness in remission
And I’m undoubtedly sick with a rarely seen condition
Known as intelligence the symptom’s this emission
It’s said a thousand words is a kind of vision
So using text to draw has become my present mission
Weaving sounds ‘till I’m called the poetic arch-magician
Rhymes so authoritative they’re referenced by edition
I thrust my views abroad and other’s into submission
So I deserve a crown - to refute that is sedition
Lighting flashes before I speak - heed that premonition
Persist in your defiance and you’ll require a mortician.

‘Cause you can test me by platoon, company, battalion, regiment or division
I’ll still vanquish each opponent I never need a coalition.

My sole purpose is to make you remember my name
I’m not concerned with fortune but only with fame
I’d rather have momentary glory than monetary gain
The rewards are worth it so I persevere through pain
Body riddled with splinters from traveling ‘gainst the grain
They might reduce velocity but they can’t stop this train
The ripples move outward like puddles receiving rain
Hopefully for you things will never be the same
‘Cause my verbalizations leave a clearly visible stain
On the neural pathways of a shrewd hearer’s brain
Truthfully this couldn’t be a picture it’s only a frame
The dye comes from you I’m simply the weathervane
Pointin’ out the bearing which you should maintain
I really hope you listen but I’m already free of blame.

‘Cause my robes have been made whiter than the purest cocaine
Since I’ve washed them in the blood of the demons I’ve slain.

Now I demonstrated my power let me show my agility
I round the two out with natural born ability
Then throw in precious wisdom for practical utility
So you know battling me is an exercise in futility
Always remember to approach me with humility
Next bow - then kneel - lastly swear fealty
Be a loyal vassal and I might share some realty
Even mention your name within my soliloquy
But I never show fear of men or devils
Blessed with the faith of a loyalist facing rebels
Willin’ to engage the enemy at all known levels
At the mental state I remove clutch and brake pedals
Thus eternally disrupting ignorance induced revels
In the flesh I make foes dust and scatter rose petals
‘Cause I fight for king and country not for chest medals
So you’ll always see my silhouette as the dust settles.

Now I’m starting to rip faster so try to keep up
Who’s really your master if your soul’s corrupt
You’re heading for disaster and you still wan’na fuck
Don’t cry to your pastor when you finally get stuck
In that last narrow gate after the cramped path
Take a look at your slate and you do the math
You’re earning your fate so prepare for God’s wrath
Now it’s almost too late for you to take a bath
You’re saturated to the bone with blood and dirt
Now you can moan but you should’a stayed alert
By reading the holy tome your calamity to avert
You want a time loan - that’s not the way it’ll work
These rappers you admire aren’t even worth a cent
If that number’s forty-nine higher it’s still irrelevant
Why would you ever aspire to be a player or pimp
I’m trying to be a survivor that’s why I take a hint.

I’m denyin’ Death’s door like a monitor (Komodo dragon)
That’s a surviving dinosaur still upon this shore
Or maybe a man-at-war who’s tryin’ even the score
Making y’all abhor the state of rap’s décor
With hands covered in gore I’m the eternal matador
Got infinite ammunition and custodial permission
And the further addition of a divine commission
To cause the abolition of every artificial Christian
Then cosign them to perdition with no chance of petition
For makin’ the decision to ignore this admonition
To me it’s plain that your actions proclaim
You feel no shame to be a descendent of Cain
If you think in that vein you’ll never obtain
The right to retain your domain on Earth’s terrain
So play your game and prepare for the flame
But this last line of mine is a sign of the divine mind behind the design of mankind.

Now if you wish - you can refute the evident reality
At least that - would suit your ignorant personality

Screw it, play some Chingy and go have fun
I’m weary of speakin’ to the deaf and dumb.

CHORUS: (2x)
Don’t avert your ear as my words are spoken
Tremble in fear ‘cause I’m certainly not jokin’
Be stunned by what you hear but this is just a token
The end draws near - the last god’s awoken.

aite this was a good drop, very creative on the vocab
structure stayed strong thought out, s'all good
flow was good,
but a big long but all good

check out my song - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112106
and the beat that goes with it -http://www.soundclick.com/bands/5/mcrussie.htm

laterz

yeah, cos u would know that wouldnt u,
i need to pass sum time, so i did read it

What are you talking about? I've seen several others post extended rhymes - I just looked at several of Penskillz. A true mark of ignorance is a refusal to take new information in. How are you going to tell me to "try again" when you haven't read my shit? Why don't you start reading it - if it's bullshit then stop and say so, if it isn't keep reading and you might learn something.

Thnx for feedback Mc_Russie I'll check out yours in a sec.

yea shut up smz, who u think oyu are you only have 9 posts. when you hit 100 then you can start tellin vets what to do. blap. no beef tho :-)

I took the time to read this...........an it was very good......the vocab was insane......some crazy lines........some i havent seen thought of.....Ex:
I’m denyin’ Death’s door like a monitor
That’s a surviving dinosaur still upon this shore--Interesting line!

You have the vocab, i wonder what this would sound like an audio.....i bet itd be tight wit the right beat! peace!

Timeless I don't suck dick so when someone tells me my stuff needs work without reading it I get offended. And when I get offended I say something. I got no beef with Freeman or anybody - just want people to give me some feedback on my stuff.

Freeman I wasn't trying to "tell you". Like I said I just want some feedback. So please stop acting like the soveriegn judge laying the smackdown on the newbie. I'd like to get better, since you said my verse sucks please explain to me how, so that I can improve instead of just telling me that it sucks.

^^^Freeman, I agree^^^

yea, sorry i didnt mean to give ya beef, but dont lash out at people on here. i think its ok actually.

peace

Nice to see you're using your rhyming dictionary...

However, after reading the first stanza...

I didn't want to continue reading what I see as a exercise in,

"Look at all the big words I know"

And...

"Read about how great I am"

This took the self prop verse to an all new low...
All because you had way, way too much time on your hands.

And you can ask around, I'm never this curt with feedback, but I feel you deserved it for the marathon of "me".

I've always read alot so all those words are from my head. If I use a thesaurus it's to try to change structure after I've already written it. Meaning the rhymes are all from my head but the internal words might be from a thesaurus. But I don't use words I don't know.



That's not the intent. Rather I like to condense my material as much as possible. If one word can say what it would take several to do, then I'll use the one. ie: I could of said, "I did that because I like to put as much meaning as possible into each word as I can.", instead of saying "rather" and "condense".



This is an introductory piece. That's why it says my name, and then explains that name. The second verse explains why I came out like that right away. And the subject is much more about the need for people to elevate their minds, the pitiful condition of popular rap music and the fact that more people need to put their attention on God.


You know I'm refering to a Komodo dragon right?

Oh yeah and Freeman could you give me an example of the 2line rhyme scheme your refering to? And remember I'm new - so what's garage? Thnx.