A lil story for you kids
 

Beautifully manicured nails with perfect make-up,hair a 10 on the Outside/
All that to hide from the public the hellish sounds of demons Cry she has Inside/
Its a shame she thinks she is nothing without her Looks/
But its understandable in a world that ignores rightous and praises gorgeous Crooks/
This world is crabs in a bucket:Swing or get Stuck/
Everybody talked about it so much she thinks its fine to be a Slut/
She held everything in, walked through hell daily never made a Sound/
With every tear hitting the Ground he power of her soul goes Down/
School was never fun because she was quiet people thought she was Dumb/
Her mother was a hooker so she'll never know where she got her brown eyes From/
She would pray everyday for the lord to make her life Fair/
She didn't love herself enough 4 confidence so she go 2 men to get her Somewhere/
Then she met a man on the block one day when the door to the gym was Locked/
He approached her at the door or what not, the smell of danger made her Hot on the Spot/
Numbers exchanged few phone calls he coralled control of her Brain/
She loved the way on dates he'd recklessly switch Lanes like he was Insane/
Thought that now her life would be Complete/
Made him wait too long to get in the Sheets he left her in two Weeks/
Promised herself next man wouldn't Leave/
Told herself she'd give him anything just too stay on his Sleeve/
Felt she was incomplete without the company of a Man/
Met another at the park gave him what he wanted yet he still Ran/
She cried for a Year being lonely like her mom was her biggest Fear/
World was moving too fast she felt only way to cope was through weed and Beer/
One more at the grocery store she talked to him like they met B4/
She needed his attention and loved him though he treated her like a Whore/
After a while she got pregnant he saw it as an Emberressment/
Gave her an alka-seltzer without her knowing 2 dead tha Shit/
She saw her baby as proof that she was worth more to somebody then Sex/
After hearing of her unborn's death it killed what small amount of will she had Left/
Blamed by her mother and Sister for killing their neice and Grandchild/
"I'll be right back i gotta take a shower" she told her mother out a mouth manipulated to a crooked Smile/
She looked in the bathroom searching for something she had Left/
Her baby sister came in just in time to witness her sister's last Breath/
I'm not going to give her a name because this story is Worldwide/
Through teary eyes she Witnessed her sister's soul Fly, she couldn't do anything but Cry and say "I love you Bye"

That Was Hard
.................................................. ...................................

^^lol... you didnt even read it im guessing...
thought this started off seeming a bit bland, but it picked up... but i thought the flow could have been better, in places it was hard to follow, but it had a nice turn towards the end, a bit sad tho...lol... and the perspective you came from carried the stroy well, yeah i liked it, maybe a bit long, if it was condenseda bit, might improve it, but i dunno.... nice...

This just like most of my other 'story' drops started out as a story for my English Class (my teacher thinks i'm obsessed with death like Shakespear)

Flow - seemed like it kept switching. You would hit a certain rhythm for a few lines then it would switch. Example:
Blamed by her mother and Sister for killing their neice and Grandchild/
"I'll be right back i gotta take a shower" she told her mother out a mouth manipulated to a crooked Smile/

The second line just doesn't seem to flow.

Vocab - Well done

Concept - Story was well told.

Overall - 7/10

This fuckin Sucks!!!!(hey fag word up!)

^^^^^^^^LOL^^^^^^^^^Appreciate it

and we up it one mo Time